Parent sent child to Coventry

[NewYearNewYouKitten]

Growing up, did your parent stop talking to you or your siblings for long periods of time?

How did it affect you in later life?

Guess it would be termed emotional abuse now.

Yes, father stopped speaking to me at around 16/17 years old. I’m 48 now.

My dm said her my dgm would do that to her. It was very upsetting for her but it did have a positive impact in that she would never let us leave the house or go to bed thinking she was upset with us. Also she would always either have the radio or tv on because having a silent house reminded her of her mother ignoring her.

No and I never did it to my adult dc

My mother used to be terrible for this. It was very upsetting at the time, but over the years I have come to see it as an avoidant failing on her part and nothing to do with me or my behaviour.

No

My Mum use to sulk. She would make it really clear she was in a mood and use a special ‘sad’ voice. She still does it now. She is a good person but very emotional immature and can on occasions be very spiteful.

i have a deep hatred of anything passive aggressive down to this.

Yes my mum would do this in my teen years, I remember it vividly. It was such a pointless destructive thing to do, it was her form of sulking I think, and she could keep it up for days on end. Didn't help our relationship at all. We got on better when i was an adult, well once i had my own kids anyway. She was a good grandparent, but boy she was very poor at parenting me and my siblings through the teen years.

My mum would not speak to me for days, sometimes weeks from early childhood, even into adulthood. I went no contact twice, once at 18, the second time permanently. It's definitely emotional abuse.

I know someone ( an ex friend ) who has always done this.
I think it's manipulative ,controlling and cruel

Yes, my father used to spend up to a week giving the whole family the silent treatment, on a regular basis. Mealtimes were often fun 🙄. Yes, it’s most definitely emotionally abusive, and it wasn’t the only weapon in his arsenal. He still tries it occasionally at nearly 94, but as he needs us more now it’s harder for him to sustain for long and it doesn’t have the power it did back then.

Yes, she’d call it that too.

i don’t really remember how it made me feel.

it’s hard to unpick what i felt about things growing up. But looking back, I can’t remember it upsetting me.

My Mum regularly used the silent treatment on me. She once didn't speak to me for over 2 weeks, because I left a cake tin at a party (I retrieved it the next day). She only spoke to me again because I got glandular fever (she loved babies and sick children). I just accepted it - I certainly wasn't going to try to persuade her to talk to me.

I grew up fairly messed up (she was abusive in multiple ways), but I NEVER allowed anyone to use the silent treatment on me. Even the abusive ex. That bloke beat crap out of me on a regular basis, but he only ever tried the silent treatment once - I walked out and ended the relationship. Of course, he hoovered me back, but it's strange that I could put up with physical abuse but the silent treatment really was a deal breaker.

It’s something cruel people with low empathy do.

Yeap. Worse still when I was in my 40s my first husband died, a few weeks later my parents stopped speaking to me over a silly disagreement about my teenage daughter not wanting to go to school. They started speaking about 6 months later but 18 years on I wonder how they ever could have been so cruel

Growing up, no, though I only saw my dad every few months (my choice, no desire to see him).

As an adult, yes, my mum would just disappear for months at a time if I tried to talk to her about anything of significance. I don’t tolerate crap like that, so for a multitude of reasons related to her behaviour, we are NC now.

That’s just wicked! I’m sorry they did that to you.

I read the title and thought "what's wrong with Coventry?"!

Having read the actual thread, yes. My parents regularly with held affection and communication for perceived slights. I am no contact with them.

My mum would grey rock me, she'd only speak in the minimum amount of words in a clipped tone. It's been 40 years plus but I remember it clearly and hated it.

My father is abusive and yes both him and my mother stop talking to people if they dare have boundaries or stick up for themselves.

Mother didn’t talk to her sister from aged 18 to when she died aged 55
My father didn’t talk to his father from 18 to 68, one brother he didn’t speak to for 13 years and one brother for 5 years. They both (normally it is my father who started it) didn’t talk to me from aged 17 to 20 (so didn’t go to the university they wanted) they both haven’t spoken to me for over 10 years and they have no idea that I’m married, live round the corner from them and no have no idea 🤷‍♀️ who I am.

Yes it did affect me - it gave me mental health issues. I was totally rejected and longed for attention. I healed from it with years of therapy but every now and again I cry and get upset about it and have to be kind to myself.

If they phoned me tonight and wanted me to go round - I wouldn’t go.

My dad used to do this. Couldn't manage his own emotions so took them out on others in a very passive aggressive way.

It did affect me at the time but I was mostly surrounded by a cohort of OK people, kind friends for example, so I also had my feet (and sense of self-worth) partly on solid ground.

Glad I had my dad long into my adulthood because I was able to process all of this stuff and end up on reasonably good terms with him.

That is terrible.

My dad used to do this, all his siblings did it too having grown up in a household where their parents didn't talk to each other for months at a time. He didn't like this aspect of his character and said he found it hard to change it. My mum coped with it by pretending he wasn't doing it and carried on as normal.
I can't say forxsure that it's damaged me psychologically but it's hard to be objective. I certainly don't do it to my kids but am a bit conflict avoidant.

Yes, my whole family would stop talking to me if I did anything they thought was wrong, sometimes for weeks. I am low contact and have a host of mental health issues.