What do I do

[Talkingaway]

I have been friends with a married man for about 3 years. We see each other n the local community on and off - we don’t work together for context. He talks about his wife in passing, but recently - since summer last year - I would say the whole vibe of the relationship changed.

If he pops round and I’m not there I get a message saying “sorry I missed you.” He gives me a kiss on the lips in greeting, or in parting. He just seems to want a bit more - attention! If I don’t reach out to him he’ll find a way to make his presence known. He knows his boundaries because he has said to me that he needs to behave and he seemed sincere about it.

What do I do. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. He’s quite a bit older than me. I don’t for one second think he’d cheat on his wife so what is he up to.

Oh do pack it in!

You've got a married man coming onto you and you both seem to think that kissing you on the lips is completely normal?

Do not hesitate in losing him as a friend and tell him if he doesn't accept you want nothing more to do with him, he'll be losing his wife too after you've had a word with her.

He's sounding you out to see if you're up for becoming the OW. It's a story as old as time. Surely, you're not that naive.

Put your cards on the table and tell him you are only interested in being friends. Why have you not done this if it has been happening since last year. Why are you kissing him your the one giving the wrong impression.

He IS cheating on his wife. With you!

Give over.

Hang on though - does she ‘not understand him’? Because that may change things and completely validate this whole thing.

🙄

Older male “friends” do not pursue the company of and kiss younger women on the lips. He’s already cheating on his wife. Draw your boundaries and don’t be naive.

In fact this whole post is making my eyes roll further back in my head than anything I’ve ever read here before. Ridiculous.

FFS kissing on the lips and you’re confused - read your post again, OP🤣🤣🤣

If it wasn't for the "so what is he up to"

I might've given you the benefit of doubt OP.

You know exactly what he's up to and I'd bet a month's wages you're enjoying every minute.

Rather than come here to discuss it like an excited teenager with a crush, just figure out what you're going to do and do it.

Thank you, this is what I meant to say 🤣

🤣🤣🤣 Nice try OP!

You are thick as mince and not as appealing if you can't see what's in front of your face. 😁

What I will say is this. You lose them how you got them. He's a cheat, he's cheating on his wife who as pp said probably 'doesn't understand him'. Awww, the poor thing. And he'll cheat on you too. 😉

Oh enough of the faux naivety- an older married man is looking for a shag on the side. Stop letting him kiss you on the lips, stop loving the attention and tell him you’re not interested in being the OW.

And if they don’t have sex any more and they’re only together for the kids - even if the kids are adults - then it’s absolutely fine to crack on

God I cringed reading this, you know exactly what’s going on and yoire going with it .

exactly how much older is he? Is it you’re flattered?

Also, is she ‘a nag’?

Does she ‘have MH issues and he feels he can’t leave her’? ‘She’s always having a go at him and they barely speak’?

Can I also guess that you ‘understand him so much better, he can be himself around you’?

All valid reasons to crack on being emotionally involved with and kissing him aka an affair

This,

I can’t fathom your question, what’s he up to and your comment you don’t think he’d cheat. No “I’d not cheat with him”, it reads like you would but you want to make sure he fancies you.

i mean whats wrong with you that you’d consider this. No one is so starved of male attention they’d act faux innocent and make themselves available or actively want to get with a married man, not unless there was a back story.

have some dignity please.

Good advice.

You are fishing with dynamite

You know what he's up to and you haven't told him to stop so presumably you're enjoying the attention?

I reckon he's fallen madly in love with ypu but is fighting his feelings out of loyalty to his wife 😆

Btw, do you kiss all your friends on the lips??

I embarassed for you if you TRULY can't see what you are doing.

The faux naivety is fooling noone.

You KNOW what he is up to! No one with innocent intentions says that they 'need to behave' - they just behave. And he's not behaving because he is kissing you on the lips - and you are letting it happen. Do you think his wife would be thrilled if she knew or would she consider it cheating? I think the latter. Being blunt, I think you enjoy the attention and having your self-esteem flattered.

Yes i think the op wants more. And as a pp said this thread is where she’s behaving like a teen with a crush, she wants people to tell her he fancies her. Not that she’s a foolish woman being used.

100% agree with you - you've put it perfectly.

And seriously who kisses married men on the lips? My best friend is male and in a relationship and he kisses me on the lips to say hello/goodbye but it's because - using his words - he's a big old flamboyant gay potato! So I couldn't be further from his type - I'm like his sister really. But that's about the only circumstance I can see where kissing a male friend on the lips might be acceptable!

He knows his boundaries because he has said to me that he needs to behave and he seemed sincere about it.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You have to be kidding with this thread... he gives you the odd kiss on the lips, but hey, boundaries, am I right? Do you hear yourself? "Gee, I don't think for a second he'd cheat on his wife". Well, maybe just a little bit, eh? No need to guess or think - as he IS. And plot twist, it's you! Congratulations, you are "the other woman" or "ONE of the other women". It is a pretty sad way of living, I think, if you have some self-respect you exit this setup. Think: Do you believe his wife would be happy with you guys kissing on the lips? Would you want your own partner to do that with other women? The answer may be tricky..