Have been with DP for 8 years, have a DD together and my older DS from a previous relationship lives here too. DP owns the house. He's been off work for a year due to various medical issues, but still getting paid and receiving benefits too. I've been off this week with a shoulder injury (calcium in shoulder) in my dominant arm. I may need surgery, won't find out until I get an ultrasound next week. The condition is notoriously painful and although painkillers are thankfully helping I still have very limited movement in my arm and am struggling with self care etc. I work a physical job and don't get paid if I'm off. When I first got the injury DP was attentive and caring. I think it scared him how much pain I was in at the start of the week. Yesterday he decided to do some DIY. He asked me if I was feeling up to it, could I go through DDs clothes and throw out anything that was too small. I asked him would he mind giving me a day or two as I'm still sore. He told me that if I wasn't able he would do it himself and just dump everything indiscriminately. I explained I really needed money at the min plus there were a few bits i wanted to keep for sentimental purposes and if he just gave me a bit of time I'd sell them on vinted (which I use a lot). He became annoyed and said they were getting dumped. For context I have quite a bit to sell in various bags, all are packed neatly in bags in wardrobes, under DDs bed etc. Nothing taking up floor space or visible. DP knows I'm sick with worry about the financial side of things. I sent him this message
"Just give me a few days before I start sorting through the clothes. I am under so, so much pressure medically and financially at the min. It's unbelievably stressful to be off work and not getting paid. I'm doing as much as I can about the house without overdoing it but I can't even brush my hair, get dressed, open bottles etc. I'm feeling very vulnerable and scared. Even let me get my (steroid) injection first and hopefully I'll have more mobility then". Steroid is scheduled for next week.
He replied "I still have to keep everything ticking over at home. I'm throwing as much as I can out over the next few days, just you stay out of my way and rest"
Me "well put some of the bags in my car, I've already promised my friend she can have a bag for her DD"
DP 'No I'm just throwing then out, I've been waiting over a year for them to go and I'm not waiting any longer"
I felt so deflated and small after the conversation. I very rarely tell DP how I'm feeling as he doesn't cope well with emotions. So for me to express this vulnerability and for him to completely ignore what I was saying whilst doubling down on his demands has left me feeling even more vulnerable. I appreciate I should have shifted the clothes sooner but as I said they're not visible nor do they take up any floor space. I feel that I have so little autonomy as it is at the minute and he's further stripping away my choices. I'm upset at his complete lack of empathy and unwillingness to compromise. There is a pattern of him being kind for the first few days of me becoming unwell (and im rarely unwell) but then he'll get fed after a few days and make me feel like a burden. It worries me and I feel like I couldn't depend on him if I became seriously ill. I spoke to a friend who feels it's EA but I would like other perspectives please.