Shocked, what to do?

[Shocked1967]

Yesterday I discovered my partner had been searching the web for "local places to meet gay men for casual sex". I was totally shocked at this as if anything, he is very anti gay, calls gay men woofters etc. I am totally shocked as this is the last thing I expected from him. Really don't know what to do now as I'm in a very fragile state health wise, have no one I can talk to in real life.

Lots of men who are gay but dont want to admit it pretend to be anti gay. Its probably from being around people from a young age who may have shamed him for being gay . So hiding it seemed the only option.
I would have a open conversation with him. Try to be as calm as possible in the hopes he tells you the truth .

The only thing to do it to talk to him. However, if you are agreeing to date someone who is openly homophobic, it is hardly surprising that they will show low standards of moral and ethical behaviour (and by that, I don't mean being gay, I mean deceiving their partner). This can only go two ways - he is either gay and looking for casual sex or he is so homophobic that he is planning some kind of a vigilantly quest.

The anti gay stance is likely to be a screen to disguise his true feelings which he is most likely very ashamed of. How long have you been together, have there been any clues before and do you have a fairly normal and regular sex life?
He could of course be Bi but the problem is he obviously hadn't shared that with you! You will need to have a conversation with him as whatever the reason is he has been looking at ways to cheat.

More shocked you put up with his homophobia but it seems he has unilaterally decided you're in an open relationship?

Is that what you want?

He has not treated you well.

What would you do if he’d searched ‘local places to meet women for casual sex ‘ ?

I am in my 60s and genuinely last heard such homophobic language about 30 years ago.

Good luck Op with this prince amongst men.

Did you know he used homophobic slurs before you married him? I would find that worrying although it’s obviously his way of concealing his true sexuality. Time for an open discussion about what happens now.

It hadn't occurred to me that homophobic men would do this to track down where to go to assault gay men. It makes sense now you've posted it but jeez, that's horrifying.

Unfortunately a planned assault was the first thing that came to my mind. 😔

Speaking as a bloke, it never entered my head for an instant. He's bi and clumsily trying to hide it from OP was my view.

So you don't mind being married with such a disgusting homophobic pig?

Run for the hills. I was married to a man like this. You deserve better.

It isn’t at all unusual, there are groups specifically for it.

I don’t understand your question. Do you want to be in relationship with an openly homophobic, devious potential cheat? If no then leave him. You deserve better.

You need to talk to him about it and see his reaction. And also get a STD test just in case. It’s definitely not unheard of that men that feel insecure about being gay so pretend to be homophobic. Also question why you’d want to marry someone like that though - especially if you plan to/have kids.