Husband threw a book at me - what now?

[Confusedwtf]

For context, husband and i have been together 10 years and have 2 children aged 5 and 2. I experienced DV growing up and my only other relationship was DV between ages of 16 and 21. I've never witnessed a genuinely healthy, loving relationship so I'm not sure what to do about this.

Husband and I fell out yesterday as I'd been looking forward to an evening together after a week of me working evening shifts. He knew this as we had discussed it earlier. Put DS to bed and got in the bath quickly and he was up and down until almost 9.30. After this I went downstairs and couldn't find DH. Went up again after about 20 mins and found him on his laptop playing a game that he will go on any chance he gets. His excuse was he was putting DS to bed?? I was pissed off as he clearly wasn't and was choosing not to spend time with me either. I ended up lying in the room with DS until he fell to sleep. Had some crossed words with DH where he acted like he didn't see a problem, just putting DS to bed etc and waiting on his game in another room while he nodded off (which never happened and I had to sort.)

I've been frosty today as I didn't feel yesterday was resolved and DH just likes to carry on as if everything is normal. This evening he fell asleep on the couch and I suggested he go to bed. As he was going I asked if we were going to just agree to disagree on last night as I'm hoping for a nice family day tomorrow and would like it resolved either way. This resulted in a back and forth of him essentially continuing to defend himself and his gaming habits. I asked him to go to bed as I could feel I was frustrated and told him I would say something that would upset us both if he stayed. He said "oh yeah play the victim as always," I told him to fuck off. He then launched a book he was holding at my hip and there is a faint red mark now. I was in shock and then he continued on defending himself and asking how dare I talk to him that way etc. He stood in the doorway going on about how awful I speak to him, how I play the victim. Went upstairs talking about how I should see things from his POV.

So what now? Am I supposed to up and leave him? Things like this have happened 3-4 times over the course of our relationship where he has blown up out of nowhere and I can never see it coming.

where do I draw the line? Or is this forgiveable?

No, I wouldn’t say it’s forgivable. He deliberately hurt you.

But what you do depends. Do you have resources?

Violence is never acceptable so if you feel you want to leave of course do that. If you stay get some couple counselling to address the issues in your relationship like his gaming and you swearing at him because it doesn’t sound very healthy

Photo graph the injury, and email yourself exactly what happened so it is date and time stamped.

you can also call the police to report this.

So what now? Am I supposed to up and leave him? Things like this have happened 3-4 times over the course of our relationship where he has blown up out of nowhere and I can never see it coming.

Was it all verbal abuse the other 3-4 times? Is this the first time he’s been physically violent? Would you say his behaviour is escalating?

Either way he sounds unpredictable and out of control. It doesn’t sound as if he likes you. I would probably want to leave for safety reasons. Women staying with an unhinged man who doesn’t like them rarely works out well.

He is not pulling his weight as a dad. Nor is he that fussed about spending quality time with his wife. He'd rather play on his computer than do either. He has cheched out of family.

When challenged on this, he DARVOs. And gets violent.

Get your ducks in a row. You're not getting a lot out of this relationship except lumps and neglect.

Typos

So you told him to fuck off and he launched a book at you? If my dh told me to fuck off, I’d probably chuck a book at him in the heat of the moment, if I had one handy. I assume we’re talking about a paperback, not Vol. 1 of the Encyclopedia Britannica? Only you can know whether this is an escalation of continued poor behaviour on his part, constituting DV, or an out of character expression of frustration, following an argument getting out of hand in a normally happy relationship.

Throw a book back at the twat. Or just leave him. Decide whether you want a happy life or an unhappy life. I made the choice and did the right thing.

This point has particularly hit home hard and I can't believe i didn't realise it until now. He doesn't like me or being around me and I suddenly understand so many of his behaviours.

I think he needs to address his anger issues with counselling support.

This was one of the first signs for cheating. When I split up with my ex he is actively causing arguments to justify his behaviour.

Sorry OP but yes that does appear to be the case from what you’ve described.

I can't believe i didn't realise it until now

Sometimes it’s easier for an outsider to notice and state the “obvious” tbf it’s harder to realise when you’re part of the situation.

Just because this comes up a lot. Counselling, anger management, groups, treatment for domestic violence largely do not work. 90+% don’t stop. It’s something that gets bandied around as a solution. It’s not. Violent men stay violent.