Mutual liking and the progression from that.

[Tealfire]

I am neurodivergent and have extreme nerves around this sort of thing.

There is a man who appears to be 'wooing' me - he seems to like me. How do I reciprocate without looking like a loon? I'm trying my best to seem aloof (I am an aloof sort of person anyhow).

The conversation seems to flow, IRL. We have a lot in common and have similar core values and outlooks of life. Also, I think we are physically attracted.

Why is this so hard? Advice from normal people welcomed.

If he brings up a date again say “that sounds lovely, what do you have in mind” and take it from there.

incel alert 🚨

I know. I agree. The woman declines his offer and this disturbing man thinks she’s been aloof and not bothering. JUST because she didn’t want to do out with him.

And the other colleague - clearly felt awkward around this man. As I suspect most women do.

Work relationships don't have to be messy. I met DH at work - we've been together for 22 years, married for 19.

If you want to go on a date with him then either follow up positively next time he throws an opening your way/suggests something. Or suggest something yourself. That's how things move to the next stage. If it doesn't work out then it was not the right relationship for you.

You: I want to try that Mexican restaurant on Rose Street. Do you fancy going one night after work?

Him: Yes, great, how about Thursday?

Excellent! Off you go...

Or

Him: Oh! Erm. I'm really busy for the next couple of weeks and don't really like Mexican food.

You: Ah ok, never mind. Did you see the thing on the news about Trump [change subject to something you would usually talk about]

He's not interested- friends only.

what kind of things has he suggested that sound like dates? All you have to do is say “yeah sure that sounds fun” and go and see. You don’t have to declare romantic interest or anything.

Yeah, aloof doesn't mean blanking. I haven't been blanking this man. I have given my attention, just not yet returned the romantic interest. I haven't declined. It's indirect anyway. I may in some ways be aloof, but I have shown warmth towards this man.

When I say a few months, this, whatever it is, has steadily grown. It's refreshing to take things a bit slower.

Thank you for this. These are cues I need to be aware of!

Try not to overthink it OP ( hard l know!) if you like him and he suggests meeting up outside work again, keep it simple and just suggest a coffee date. Low pressure and you can leave when you want and not feel nervous having to eat a meal and talk! Don't try to be anything you're not, take things at your pace and if all goes well meet again. Baby steps! There's no need to rush.

On one occasion, when asked a few weeks back by someone else in his presence, what my plans were for the weekend, I said I was going on a night out. Other person said, oooh, "Tonight or tomorrow", "on a date"? Before I could open my mouth to reply, he nodded and said "Yeah, she's going on a date with me tomorrow night, we're going out on a date. Together". I quickly said to the other person, while half laughing, "Not with him" and that I was meeting a group of friends for a planned night out.

Maybe I'm just thick?

I agree with PP, first instance sounds like polite rejection rather than aloofness.

If you've known each other for a while, I'd assume he knows your skittish and wary, so is trying hard to to apply direct pressure.

Simply put you just have to be you. You're perfect as you are, so you don't need to try to be anything else. Try and treat him how you would a friend. Invite him to a safe place - public coffee shop etc. then you can limit it to one coffee and cake if you want or you can stay longer if you are enjoying it

Terrifying @Willsmer

You sound bona fide terrifying

Both women showed good judgement t

By being aloof you’re being extremely rude.
he’ll think you don’t like him and move on.