Managing a divorce with a difficult spouse, what worked for you?

[Shs726]

3 years marriage and no children.

During our marriage, my husband repeatedly kicked me out of the marital home. He would take the keys from me and tell me, “It’s my house, F off.” Along with other abusive experiences. Eventually, I refused to go back and now want a divorce. House is in his name and bought before marriage.

Now we’re separated. He says he will sign the divorce if I apply online, claiming he can’t afford a divorce (even though I know he has money). I agreed to pay for it myself to keep things moving.

Regarding finances, he says he doesn’t want anything, and I said the same. I suggested a clean break order so we could both move on fairly, but he’s refusing. He also doesn’t want solicitors involved.

Despite this, he’s accused me of being greedy and “money obsessed,” even though I’m not making any claims against him. I only took my clothes (what I paid for), jewellery (which I had before marriage and I paid for) , and my stand mixer (which I paid for and was the only one who used it). I left all other furniture and household items behind, including items I paid half for and some I paid for entirely over £10,000 worth. Now he’s denying I contributed anything, even though I have receipts and bank statements. I also did pay other household expenses such as 80% groceries, water, council tax and paid for all the holidays. We did 2 holidays a year. He paid the mortgage and gas/electricity. We both have a car each prior to marriage and we pay our own costs associated with the cars.

I feel like I’ve tried to be more than reasonable, but he’s being difficult and rewriting history. Ultimately, I just want peace and even said to husband if he wants to claim anything off me then feel free. I just want to sort out everything now and get it done with. He’s refusing to sort out finances and wants me to just go the online divorce. My solicitor has advised it’s best to reach an agreement otherwise it’ll just get costly and time consuming.

My question:
How did others deal with a spouse who was controlling or obstructive during the divorce process?

Also if he’s anyway going to be difficult and it’ll drag out the proceedings, is it worth then pursuing furniture costs etc?

You should have a payout for the three years equity increase during the marriage and a settlement for the furniture

Much happier, I left and cleared the house when he was at work too 🤣 would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he got home from work too.

I own a house from before ever meeting him. I’ve never lived in it nor has he. It’s always been rented out. It has over 500k equity in it. I’ve managed all the mortgage and expenses for the place and we do not have any joint accounts.

I also have more savings (from before marriage and during). And I also earn nearly twice as much as him.

its one of the reasons he would be rude to me because he said I emasculate him.

that’s why I rather get it sorted out asap and pay him (if he wants to claim) whatever it is and get it done with.

I would consider writing it off, taking that clean break, and moving forward. Sounds like solicitors etc could get expensive.

I'm in something similar, but it's a sizeable amount and so far she is agreeable, but if I could have, I would have liked to just walk away. Life is short.

Get divorced asap, don't sit and wait this just makes things more complicated and more likely he will look to claim from you. I did mine online and a clean break, I drew up the financials, that he agreed with, and also wrote a letter attached to the papers to explain why we were dividing as we were, it was signed off by the judge no problem (and this included child support arrangements). As yours is a short marriage with no kids I would be inclined to cut your losses and walk away asap. At least you have another house and earning power. Make sure it is a complete financial break so he cannot cone afterwards and try and claim for anything.

From filing to decree absolute was around 7 months.

Given this information, get the financial side sorted before finalising the divorce. Have you taken any legal advice?

Yeah. I told solicitor husband and I agree we don’t want claim anything and want to divorce.

(husband said he is happy to divorce, doesn’t want any money /assets but refuses to do this through solicitor or sign any clean break order and will only divorce if I apply, without solicitor, online. He also added if I go down the solicitor and clean break order route, he’ll drag it out).

solicitor was confused if we have agreed on finances why he isn’t willing to do clean break order. Said cannot force him to sign and it’ll end up costing more legally and make process longer as it’ll involve mediation and court etc.

I have just taken a week out as a time out as it’s all been so overwhelming.

You’re agreeing to walk away from this and yet he won’t play ball. Essentially, he’s playing games and he realises I think that he has power over you in a psychological sense through this.

if I’ve understood this correctly, I think you have a couple of choices here:

• Force a court process upon him, though it will cost money as he’s likely to obfuscate at every step of the way
• Move out and carry on with your life, but remain married for the moment, well periodically reminding him you will get 50% of his house when you finally do settle. I can’t remember what the timings are but after a period, you can just get a divorce anyway without his engagement