Hi, just needing to vent really, sorry it’s a long one! I’ve been with my partner for 20 years in that time we’ve had 3 children. He has no friends at all, and so I feel like he relies very heavily on me to be around every evening, even though he works two jobs and i only see him for about an hour or so each night. He plans his weekends without involving me, usually he will be off to see his elderly parents, and if he’s not doing that then he might play football or just catch up on sleep. I do everything at home and I’m really struggling, I also work part time and have all of the childcare responsibilities, as well as trying to manage the housework, gardening, appointments etc And if he’s does have to do anything around the house it’s met with a moan and some swearing, like if he has to empty a bin or wash up. I’ve got to the point where it feels like it would be easier on my own, I still have to do everything anyway but I’d be able to do it without the bad atmosphere he can bring. It’s like living with a man child and operating some kind of miserable hotel.
His lack of friendships really gets to him, so much so that I now feel like I can’t ask him if he would mind me going out, I’m a really sociable person and really crave leaving the house (aside from going to work or the school run) but I’m finding that if I’m invited anywhere by a friend or my family that I have to say no as he’s not got anyone to go out with or he can’t come as we need someone to look after the children. He can really lay the guilt on me, I see my friend twice a year if I’m lucky, and I get together with my mum and sister every few months or so for a takeaway and some drinks but even that I feel guilty about doing, but that is all I have, I don’t do anything else in the week I don’t do anything by myself and yet I’m given the cold shoulder if I even dare to have a Saturday evening round at my mums house. I worked out that last year I left the house to do something for myself other than work/school run/shopping just 6 times.
He moaned that he didn’t get invited to those 6 occasions when really it’s just us women getting together and decompressing, why on earth would he want to come to it?! I’ve tried encouraging him to make his own friends or see his own family for some drinks and a catch up but that hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s incredibly judgemental of other people, despite joining a football team, cricket team and swimming team he hasn’t made one single friend. He is very quick at providing his outspoken opinions of what people do that he doesn’t like, e.g smoking, drinking too much, partying and that really puts people off him. I’ve tried to say that we are all different and we are all adults and make our own choices in life. He also moans that we don’t go anywhere together but quite honestly, with me having to arrange adequate childcare, as well as fit around his hectic schedule and all of the above weighing down on me all I want to do on the rare occasion I’m allowed out is to be with other women who understand and where I can relax and be myself without being judged.
His behaviour can be really pathetic, I’ve been invited to my sisters birthday in a few weeks which is on a Friday evening, I’m already worried about the next few weeks leading up to it as he has a tendency to give me the silent treatment, his initial reaction was to say well you might as well go as it’s obviously better than staying in with me. I just can’t deal with doing everything, feeling guilty that I can’t ask for what I want to do by myself and having to deal with a sulky man child. Help!!