How do I help my friend?

[MsRollersk8er]

My best friend of 30years told me that she plans to leave her husband of 20years this week. She has been growing close to someone at work which she says has made her realise that her marriage is not what she wants. She has a spark with this man that has never felt with husband. Husband is devoted to her and their kids, on the outside they have a perfect marriage. She is going to blow it up for someone she says makes her feel alive. I want her to be happy and I want to support her but am shocked at how quickly this has progressed. How can I be a good friend to her? What advise / support I should give? This is so out if character she has so much to lose but she is adamant that she needs to do this and I want her to be happy

I know of two women who have blown up their families like this during the past year. They are both in their 40s with teenage children who have stayed with the father while their mothers seem to want to recapture their youth. Possibly a mid life/ menopause crisis.
The affect on the families has been devastating, with shock waves reaching GPs and siblings families.
As a few others have said, I’d distance myself and stay out of it.

I would tell her to get some therapy before she makes a move like this. If she’s already started an affair - chances are the reality of that man once they slip into the day to day routine will not be this dreamy loved up situation they are in right now. This can’t come from you - it needs to be explored neutrally with someone qualified to help her work on herself.

Tell her you're worried about her, her husband and her children. Ask her what this affair is representing to her. She's obviously trying to fulfill some want or need that she doesn't feel is fulfilled currently in her life - it may have nothing to do with her husband. Point out to her that what she's doing is very hurtful and encourage her to act with integrity. It sounds like she's swept up in a madness though and probably will not listen. However, by saying all of the above, you will have been a good friend to her.

For me, the things to ask your friend to consider would be:

1. what happened in this guys previous relationship for it to end in divorce?
2. is flirting with female colleagues something he would do again?
3. Does this child free man really want her and two kids turning up on his doorstep when they've got nowhere to live?
4. is secondary school the right time to turn a kids life upside down when exams won't be far away?
5. if she left her husband for this man and it wasn't what she hoped and he turns out to be an arse, how on earth can she keep working with him?
6. is she going to ever trust him around other female colleagues given that he's been coming on to her as a colleague or is it going to mess with her head? Maybe this behaviour is why he's divorced!
7. has this man ever said he wants her to leave her husband and wants to take on her kids on as step kids! A bit of workplace flirting is not necessarily him wanting her to leave her husband! She has no knowledge out the guy outside work and so would likely have to walk out and leave the kids living with their dad.

She is getting carried away with the newness the physical attraction she isn't looking at what she can lose.
She feels pleasure & desire he has become the focal point in her life.
It might be good to try and talk to her point out what she is giving up but I doubt she will listen..
She will only learn .