Alcoholic ex drunk on bedtime call with 4yo DD

[CrazyHormoneLady]

My ex has recently asked to have video calls with DD every evening to say goodnight (he only sees her Sunday daytimes).

I didn't realise (until tonight's call) he'd been off work with an injury for the last two days - yesterday I got a slurring voice note on WhatsApp at 2pm which confused me, he missed the video call which I didn't really think about as sometimes he's too busy at work to call. Then today when he video called to speak to DD, he was obviously pissed up and slurring.

Personally I find it pretty triggering thanks to years of lies and me second guessing myself because he was slurring after "one drink" or supposedly not drinking at all - hearing him like that brings it all back. I felt like I was being paranoid and going insane when he gaslit me about his drinking. But DD is only 4 so doesn't have a clue why her dad is speaking weirdly and acting differently.

Do I say no more bedtime calls after this one off? Is it even that bad (I feel it is bad for DD to hear her dad slurring but again years of making me the "uptight, no fun" person clouds my judgement)?

How do I bring this up with him? He's in a pretty low place mentally since I left a year ago, and his drinking is evidently escalating, but I left so his alcohol abuse wouldn't affect DD and it's creeping into her life.

Check on him before you let DD speak/see him if possible. Otherwise you will have to block him permanently and tell your DD something suitable, i.e. Daddy isn't very well at the moment.

Yeah tell him you're not stupid and if he's slurring then he's rat arsed and you won't put DD onto the call. So do not bother trying to lie. If he's got a brain, even as an alki he could at least hold it down so he sounds normal and really has only had one or two.

That's a good idea, thanks!

It totally caught me off guard today as he normally calls from work sober. I'll text him tomorrow when he's sobered up to say he can't speak to her when he's been drinking, then I'll vet the calls before she sees him in future.

I feel all out of sorts now 😔 I hate that his drinking can still affect me! And simultaneously I'm worrying about his mental state. I don't want to be drawn into the drama of asking if he's OK or not but also feel like a cold hearted bitch ignoring the fact he's blatantly in a bad place! Bleurgh 😞

You are not responsible for the choices he makes. You are responsible however for your child. It’s not fair on her to speak to her dad when he’s drunk. If he chooses drinking over speaking to his daughter then let him, but as previous post said, before putting her on the phone see if he’s sober. He’s an adult and should know better. If he’s in a bad place, he needs to seek help from professionals. Please don’t feel guilty, it’s not your fault, it’s not your demons to deal with. You are protecting your daughter and that’s the main thing ❤️

Please don't feel like you have to ask if he's ok. He's an alcoholic so no, he's not ok but he's the only one who can do anything about that. He is not your responsibility - but your daughter is. You need to protect her and tell him that if he calls her drunk, he won't be allowed to speak to her. If he continues to call when drunk then I would tell him no more calls until he sorts himself out and gets help for his drink problem. Don't sugar coat it, you don't have to appease him any longer.

@Sunrise8888 thanks for your lovely message ❤ He absolutely should know better, you're right.