Things have changed. So disappointed but am I right to end the relationship?

[gentlycare]

I've been dating a man for about 4 months now. We met online and things have moved fairly quickly. We really click and always have a lovely time together. He’s been separated from his ex for 2 years, and they have a 6 year old son. He sees his son every other weekend and on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings after school. This has been their setup since the split. As far as I know, he and his ex get along fine, not best friends or anything, but they’re civil. He doesn’t really talk about her much.

I usually see him every other weekend when he doesn’t have his son, and sometimes during the week. It’s difficult because we both work full time and live an hour apart, so weekends are pretty much the only time we can meet up. I talked to him on the phone last night, and he mentioned that his ex wants to change the arrangement so he has their son every weekend instead. I’m not sure why or how long this will last. He thinks it’s because she found out he’s dating and isn’t happy about it, but he doesn’t want to ask her in case it leads to an argument.

He’s agreed to the change, which I totally understand, and I always expect him to prioritise his son. But I’m left wondering what this means for our relationship now. How can we really build something when we only see each other for a few hours a week? Looking ahead, we won’t be able to do any fun activities together, go on trips, or have days out, etc. Am I being selfish for thinking about ending things? I’m really disappointed because I like him so much and thought it was going well, but I just don’t think he’s in a place to date right now and should focus on his son.

Yeah, no.
Sorry, he’s not ready to date. He doesn’t really know what it means.

He has the same information you have.

He agreed to this change, knowing the implications for your relationsip.

He thinks his ex is making this move to cause trouble, but such is the balance of power in their relationship that he's not prepared to say no or push back. If her aim was to kill your relationship, she wins in the first round; if you stick with it, round 2 will be her objecting to him introducing his child to the new girlfriend.

I'd quit on the relationship now.

Agree with the previous posters. He’s said himself he thinks she’s doing this to cause trouble in his new relationship and yet he’s still allowing it. He’s either weak and doesn’t have a backbone, or he’s still got unresolved feelings for her and prioritizes her above all others (or a combination of both). Either way the dynamic they have is not going to change. She’s the mother of his child and she sees you as a threat. You can’t “win” this one. Throw him back and find someone available.

Agree with other posters. Don’t waste your time, he’s not even divorced. Only 4 months in and the troubles have started already.

That's what you need to be asking him - what does that mean for our relationship now? How/when are we going to be able to spend quality time together? I mean, he must've realised the implications of what he's agreed to, so he must have a solution as well?

I'm in a broadly similar situation myself, my DP now has his own DC pretty much every weekend (by their choice), the one weekend a fortnight we used to get to ourselves is now just another time where we have to work everything around all our DC.

I’d throw him back. You’ll never “win” against his ex. That’s what comes of dating parents too, their child mostly is their priority (as it should be).

Definitely leave, this isn’t the relationship for you. Find someone without kids who can prioritise you would be my advice.

Quite rightly he's leapt at the chance of more time with his son, and whether it's his ex making trouble or not it doesn't matter, it's what a good dad should do.
As a parent I'd sack off any new relationship for that.

I’ve been there but it was my ex causing the problems. I ended up with my heart completely mashed a year in. I wasn’t in a position to date with such instability in my life, your boyfriend isn’t either. He needs something set in stone with his arrangements or as he’s doing now, just to prioritise his child. Every weekend is tying but he’s a good dad agreeing to it as he’s a parent 365 days a year

I don't think he has actually prioritised his son here. Yes he will end up seeing him.more,(by default)- that's great for dad and son. What he has done is prioritised keeping his ex 'sweet'. This is not good. He is not in a position to be in a relationship.