Limerence /emotional affair
I need some objective perspective. I know this is a dick move on my part and I’m already carrying plenty of guilt, so please skip the "terrible person" comments; I’m well aware.
I I’m 38, male, and have been single for a year after a 4-year marriage. For six months, I’ve been entangled in an intense emotional affair with a colleague (39, married 16 years, with kids). While I am her superior at work, I’m not her direct line manager which gives a loop hole policy wise(I wrote it so I know - call me silly - I did not even think of this before this happen; i was caught up).
We are, quite frankly, obsessed with each other(I have not felt like this since I was a teenager). She brings me homemade lunch every day, sometimes the husband would have cooked this very food, and we message 24/7 even when we are at work. She shares everything: what she’s doing with her family, photos of her days with them, and even details about intimacy with her husband, at times she says she was thinking of me during those moments. When they argue or when she feels down, she goes out and calls me to calm her down. Her husband is actually a very hard working guy and knows we are "friends," but he has no idea of the actual intensity; he does not treat her like a wife (no dates/no flowers/no romantic stuff(they do have sex fyi)/not the usual you would expect from your husband but he is rather just a man of the house and does what he needs to do for the kids - I am the opposite of this, I got her a x-mas gift for her and also a shared one for their household, he didn't get her a thing).
There is massive sexual tension and we’ve had passionate, lengthy hugs during sneaky meets outside work. However, she’s been clear: it will never be physical and she will never divorce, as it’s culturally unheard of for her. I also can't bring myself to be physical with a married woman.
I’ve reached a breaking point. This is draining the life out of me. I want to find a real partner and this is holding me back (she rubbishes every date I have been on - silly of me to share this with her anyway). When I lost my phone recently, she left 20 missed calls and was in tears. The thought of a day without her making me feel happy is incredibly difficult to process, and she feels the same from what she says.
How do I actually walk away from something this emotionally consuming and I know we may both struggle mentally and emotionally to process this? I cannot just block because I will still see her and lust of her/ feel the need to talk to her etc.
Has anyone successfully navigated "de-escalating" an emotional affair and/or what can you suggest I do?