MiL Commitment at Point of Handover

[ourSusie]

I read this morning, on an article about troublesome interfering controlling MiL
disapproving of a new daughter in law, leading to estrangement, a regular topic of dismay and disgruntlement here,
a suggestion that, whilst father or friend formally ‘gives away’ the bride, hands over responsibility to the husband, that the groom’s mother should formally hand over her son to his wife, into his new responsibilities, his new family, to show that she is prepared to
LET GO, recognise the new situation and promise to abide by the new status quo.

Weddings as an important Rite of Passage have been one sided for too long.

A glimpse over on Gransnet ‘How can I tell my son to leave his wife’ fortifies the need to highlight the MiL/DiL dynamic which has never been wholly addressed.

And this morning's winner of The Most Convoluted One Sentence Paragraph Trophy goes to our Susie for:

''I read this morning, on an article about troublesome interfering controlling MiL
disapproving of a new daughter in law, leading to estrangement, a regular topic of dismay and disgruntlement here,
a suggestion that, whilst father or friend formally ‘gives away’ the bride, hands over responsibility to the husband, that the groom’s mother should formally hand over her son to his wife, into his new responsibilities, his new family, to show that she is prepared to
LET GO, recognise the new situation and promise to abide by the new status quo.''

MILs get a bad press on MN, you rarely hear about the good ones because no one really writes about those and I am sure they are the majority. There are also awful DILs, eg those who are happy to send time with/go on holiday with their own parents, but not the in-laws. They will also be in tbe minority.
‘giving away’ is an outdated concept anyway, but the issues you describe won’t be solved by ‘giving away’ the son.

gee thanks !

Even ages ago when we were getting married with my wife, I absolutely hated this whole "giving away" aspect of it. We are not in the middle ages, I did not buy her for 8 goats and a cow, plus, she is a capable adult, and this whole "well, there you go, she is your responsibility now" is just so demeaning, like she was a helpless puppy someone would always need to tidy up after.. But I digress.

In a healthy relationship, a good marriage, I think a husband and wife form a strong unit, they are a family together, and it should be strong as heck because it's not something you are born into, you CHOOSE to marry that other person. So, all I'd say is, that these grans over at that part of the internet should just learn that what they think of the chosen wife has little to no importance. And if they bring hostility to their lifes with this nonsense, I personally would distance myself from something like that. We have one life to live, I need no negativity to spoil it for us. Luckily, my mother and my wife really like each other, but even if my mom wouldn't approve, it would only mean that I would draw a line, nothing else.

Must admit I wasn't too keen, personally, on DS's 1st W. I kept her close, as in keep your friends close but your enemies closer! DW 2nd is so lovely, wish she had been No.1. I try not to express opinions on anything apart from supportive ones, and we (DH and I) ask for help rarely.

There are plenty of fantastic MILs out there, you just never hear about them on here because this is where people come to moan about stuff! My MIL was brilliant and I miss her very much since her passing. My mum loves my DH like her own. My mum was probably closer to my dad's mum than to her own mum, who was a difficult character and quite critical.

My current MIL is awful! I could write a whole book about her antics.

I had to go through a big grieving process (overdramatic perhaps) because all my previous boyfriends had such lovely welcoming mums that I always got along with.

I was shocked and not prepared when I met my husband's family (husband half at fault there of course). Awful experience.

@BambiDextrous I assume crap like that is written by AI bots. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My MIL was hideous, constantly complaining and criticising then demanding to know why I didn't invite her to stay more.

I hope not to be THAT MIL.