I type in jest one of my favourite lines from Friends said by Monica Geller - or Bing as she’s known that episode.
But the reality is, I am unhappy. So unhappy. It’s been weeks of criticism, lack of effort and I feel like I’m living a life I don’t want.
I come from devorced parents and growing up never wanted to get married, never wanted children and dreamed of living in a London flat working as a family solicitor. Bam! Puberty hits and I start getting all the feels for boy and now here I am. 40years old, 2 children, a husband and I feel stuck. My oldest has noticed something is wrong and it’s simply because I’ve had enough.
It’s been a downward spiral since 2022. I’ve tried to claw my way back up but as the months go on, the negative feelings are growing.
I work part time, my husband full time. I do the cleaning, majority of the cooking, all the laundry and general house admin and this is something I don’t mind doing as I am part time. However, the lack of appreciation is making me so resentful. Cleaned our bedroom, moved some beard balm and he called me disrespectful for the way I had placed it back. Not thankful but criticised me. Laundry, washed/dried/put away and calls me rude for misplacing his normal tops with his pyjama tops. Not thankful but critisced me. He always has something to say. The kids are demanding, playful, messy and I am their favourite. It’s obvious why. He doesn’t engage with them as much as I do. When they do impressions of him they pretend to be on a mobile phone laying down on the sofa. I do everything for them, baths, bed, homework, school admin, life admin.
The last straw was tonight. We’ve been planning on getting a new bathroom, like I said trying to claw my way back and be positive and we disagree on a few things. Our builder is coming when he’s at work, his reaction ‘oh that’s it I won’t be here and I won’t have an input’. I told him to WFH an extra day. I have also said 1000 times I will ask for what he wants and if it’s possible and cost effective then I’m happy to do it. He said ‘that’s the problem, either do it properly or not at all.’ It ended with him saying ‘why are you still talking, I don’t want to talk to you.’ I haven’t spoken to him since.
I know what I need to do, and I know I can do it by myself, I just don’t know where to start.