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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like housemates

1 reply

firsttimemom2024 · 28/01/2026 23:45

My daughter started nursery nearly a year ago and although she took some time to settle, she is now very settled and seems to enjoy it. I’ve really struggled with mom guilt since going back to work full time and it’s undoubtedly had a negative effect on mine and my partners relationship. I’ve put every ounce into making time special for my daughter during evenings and weekends. My partner plays football a couple of nights a week and also once or twice on the weekends. My partner definitely leads the way in initiating if we were to go out for dinner etc as I do feel like I’m in overdrive/survival just trying to balance work and life.

We’ve had an argument tonight on the basis that I don’t initiate anything and the relationship is more like two people living under one roof. It’s really upset me as I’m trying my hardest and we do have lots of great times particularly with our daughter, but I’m obviously not doing enough. Has anyone else experienced this and what you did to overcome it?

OP posts:
exhaustDAD · 29/01/2026 08:06

Hi @firsttimemom2024 . This is the age-old problem, isn't it? Rest assured, you are not the first ones having this problem, and argument over it.. I hope nobody here will be offended by this, but "initiating to go out for dinner" is objectively not that difficult and taxing to do. You said he goes out to do football x amount of times per week, good on him, great to keep active... However, what about other aspects of life? (disregarding initiating going out for dinner, because, that is just...a nothing-sandwich in my book). Is he good with the little girl, is he good sharing chores like a real partner... And is your love life ok, or diminished? Just asking because "feeling like housemates" is often coming from that place, too (not saying anything revolutionary there).
The important question is: Have you told him anything about how you feel about being overwhelmed, and staying afloat? What are his thoughts on it?

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