Would this bother you? My friend and my ex husband

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Ex husband cheated on me 3 years ago, had numerous affairs which I was completely oblivious too, all sorts of deceit and betrayal. Our 3 children were all under 5 then. He moved out, we divorced and we co parent now as best as possible, which isn’t always easy.

my close friends really have the man, and rightly so, in my eyes, if their husbands did the same I would not maintain any sort of friendship.

I have a really good friend, she has been a great support to me, I confide in her and we meet up often. She knows all the heartache I’ve been through, she only knows ex husband through me.

ex husband has told me twice now over past few months that my friend has messaged him. Once was to ask for a restaurant recommendation (for the city we live in?) and second was to ask for a physio recommendation. Ex husband has no real links to these things. Oh and he also showed me the messages while telling me, not that I asked but we we at an appointment with our son when one of them came through and it was like “oh there’s Sarah has messaged, that’s random, she’s asking where’s good for food”

I’ve felt quite bothered by this because my friend would fully support me to my fave but is then randomly messaging my ex, but has never told me that. In fact would actively imply she would never even speak to him if she seen him.

this may all sound very petty but it has bothered me a lot

I appreciate the kick up the backside.

If it happens again would to be tempted to take a screenshot of his phone and send it to her husband?

Exactly. It's inappropriate. She presumably has Google like the rest of us!

Yes! She wants his attention. It's just wrong.

Very bizarre behaviour.

I would question her happy marriage.
Maybe she knows too much about you and is hoping to use the info? Her behaviour would suggest she's not the very good friend you think she is.
She's done it twice so no wriggle room for
error.

It’s extremely sly behaviour.
I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.
Time for you to review this so called ‘friendship.’

Tell Sarah that you are very uncomfortable with her messaging your ex and that he shows you the texts because it seems inappropriate..

Screen shot any further contact. Show Sarah and tell her you have also sent a copy to her husband.
Send it to Sarah's husband.

Sarah seems two faced. Do not trust her.

My best friends sister jumped straight in chasing exbf after I spit with a long term boyfriend.
She had a brief affair with him (she was in a very longterm live in relationship at the time) before he moved on to someone else from Tinder and dumped her.
Her partner is still none the wiser and she sees me in the local Tesco from time to time and runs a mile trying to hide😁 She knows I know as exbf couldn't wait to tell me he'd shagged my BF sister.
I haven't told her long term partner P but oh my goodness the times I've wanted to! 😂

You can’t tell people not to be friends! Op isn’t 13 FFS.

I think this person is behaving badly, OP. I can't abide disloyalty. I would distance myself at the very least. She must have realised how flimsy her excuse sounded. I'd be very cool with her and probably just zone her out.

If my friend was secretly messaging my abusive ex-husband they would no longer be my friend and would also have their arse absolutely handed to them.

Fucking weird and massively disloyal, especially knowing what he did to you. I wouldn’t want to even see her again.

I cannot imagine how this is OK (and I am quite relaxed about such things).
I would defo say something like ‘Dave mentioned you’ve messaged him a few times about random things he doesn’t know anything about. He thinks it’s a bit weird (as do I) are you ok?’

The friend shouldn't want to be friends with OP's abusive ex. OP shouldn't need to say anything.

Nope. Just nope.

Distance yourself from her. She is not the friend you thought she was.

Maybe she’s messaged the wrong Dave. My dd has the same name as an old work colleague of mine, the times I’ve mixed them up 😳 there’s 50 years age difference in them.

I actually wonder if they’re maybe having an affair OP.

Maybe that’s why she’s so interested in it all, and he’s showing you the messages to get a reaction and have you wondering (which has worked).

Wouldn’t surprise me at all given his history.

Distance yourself from them
both, I’d have grey rocked him anyway - discuss matters to do with the dcs only. Do you really have to converse with him in person, can’t it be done by text?

Sounds to me like he may be messing with you, he seems the type. Just a thought!

Ditch her, whatever her reasons, she’s not your friend.

So why didn't she ask you?

I definitely would not like this. She is either trying to start a relationship or trying to make a connection to see what he has to say about you. Either way I would bin her. She is not a good friend.

Really crap behaviour on your friend’s part. She would very quickly become an ex friend if she didn’t have a good explanation.

Also, happily married or not, your friend already has full confirmation that your ex is willing to cheat if her goal is some sort of romantic contact (not saying it is, but I’m struggling to think of any other possible reason someone would do this to a friend).

Nope. I'd cut her off without even explaining why. Not a good friend

If not why is she contacting him? How does a friend of just yours even have your exs number? I would not like that at all.

I think there’s far more messages than your husband is letting on, and he only mentioned those two because you were there when they appeared.