Is the ick too strong or am I too picky?

[HesGivingMeTheIck]

Been seeing someone new for a few weeks now. We have a good laugh together and great sex, although I did have to ask him in the very early stages to tone things down a little as he wanted to see me all the time and text multiple times a day. I have a very busy stressful life and job with very little free time.

First time I went over to his on Saturday night - he gets a text - looks panicked and then says that his flatmate is due home shortly. I had no idea he even shared the flat with anyone else. We live in a very cheap part of the country where a 40 year old professional doesn't really need to be sharing - but it was more the fact he didn't tell me.

The main issue though is he seems to have no get up and go whatsoever. He does have a job apparently but I'll be honest it's gotten to the point where I've outright asked him if he has as he never seems to do anything. He's self employed on a consultancy basis and does have the odd appointment but never seems to be making calls, doing emails, etc. Just sleeping or watching TV

We had a nap yesterday at mine, but I got up at 7:30 last night and put a film on expecting him to join me. I've been up since 630 working my socks off (WFH - yes I'm on a break for five mins) - he's still in fucking bed! I honestly want to go upstairs and be like please go home! It's massively giving me the ick here but I don't know what to say to him as it sounds like such a pathetic thing but he's been in bloody bed for 16 hours!!!!!

Seriously, get rid. My last boyfriend slept for England, and it used to drive me insane. Add lack of work ethic and neediness to it, nah, it's a non starter. The ick will grow, just throw him back otherwise he will drive you mad.

Nah that would be piss me off too and you sound incompatible lifestyle wise. You are not being too picky at all.

I would wake him up and get his bum out the door.

You’re not compatible. You’re a doer. He’s very clearly not. Suggest you bin off before you start wanting to strangle him.

Maybe he has the room mate who pays rent to supplement his earnings. It sounds like you have a compatibility issue which is totally understandable.

If you have to ask the question at a few weeks then you know you need to bin.

Questions like this are more for when you have been with someone for a long time and are no longer trying to impress you.

He can't be arsed a few weeks in to make the most of life and time with you. He's not that interested in you.

Also he’s been shady not being transparent about his living and work situation.

No such thing as "too picky" in relationships. If someone isn't for you, whether others would mind or not is of no consequence.

If he's irritating you now then it's just going to get worse.

Sure it was a roommate and not a relationship that's coming to an end? Looking for a new bed to lie in type of thing.

You're going to end up with a parasite if you're not careful, can feel it in my waterm

@gamerchick Definitely a room mate - I met him and his girlfriend when they came home that night (he wasn't expecting them which is why he didn't tell me before then!)

Then is it his house or is he living with someone else? The full on love bombing thing at the start always rings alarm bells. Needing to leave somewhere soon is a common reason.

That's not a life worth living. 16 hours in bed for someone who doesn't seem to do much. I'd be wondering if he's actually doing something dodgy? Next thing, he'll be asking to move in with you.

You already know this relationship is unsustainable.

Oh God no - why would you even ask if YABU?

The fact he’s been lounging around in bed at yours all day and has given you the Ick and you now want him to leave but feel mean asking him to do so shows your lack of self worth and confidence - ask yourself why you can’t trust your own feelings?

You’ve been seeing this guy a few weeks - he’s lazy and possibly unemployed. You’ve understandably decided he’s not for you. You owe him nothing.

Get him gone.

This as well. The worst man I ever had the misfortune to have a relationship with did this. It was a huge red flag.

Why on earth would it be in any way 'too picky' to want someone who isn't usually unconscious, and who actually makes an adequate living?

Haha, I love that. Sometimes an unconscious boyfriend is preferable to a conscious one though, but definitely not this early on in a relationship.