Friendship run its course?

[Onemorestepaling]

I have a friend who I’ve known since dd was born 20 years ago. She had a baby at a similar time and we used to spend lots of time together with the children and nights out without them, She moved a few hours away about 8 years ago and until recently she’s been to stay with me a few times a year. She preferred to come here as she could turn see other friends too. About 3 months ago my db passed away unexpectedly. She was in touch a bit when it happened but hasn’t contacted me for nearly 7 weeks. I contacted her a few days ago about something unrelated and she didn’t even ask how I was! She’s been thoughtless / dismissive of messages in the past but this is on another level. I did ask how she was initially and she said all ok. Ammo being unreasonable to be upset about this?

Am I being unreasonable to be upset by this?

No you’re not being unreasonable: it’s wildly hurtful. Maybe she is actually just a surface friend - history together, kids at the same time etc - but she hasn’t got the depth or the intention to be a real friend.

I’m sorry about your DB.

I had a friend I had known for over 20 years. I rang and told her my mother had died. she never came to the funeral and didn’t contact me for over month. No reason given. I decided she wasn’t really a friend - just someone I went out to dinner with once a month.

@TheSlantedOwl thank you for your reply. She’s been rubbish at replying over the years and I’ve kind of got used to it and she had an extremely busy life. However not to even ask, when I’d initiated contact seems very thoughless. She did wish me well the night before his funeral but had heard nothing since.

Her dad passed away a few years ago not unexpectedly ( he was quite elderly) and I did message afterwards. Checked in again a few weeks later to ask and got no reply!
My db was only late 40s and left a teenage daughter

Bump

You’re not unreasonable to be upset about this, but that’s different to a friendship running its course. All you’ll get on here (based on similar threads) is your friend being vilified. Only you know if you love/like her enough/value the friendship enough to continue it. She may not be the most thoughtful but does she have other qualities you like? Why does a friendship have to end over one behaviour/incident you don’t like? If we treated all relationships like this we’d all be single and or very lonely. I’m no walk over but 20 years is a long time; friendships can change, can disappoint, but does it have to be the end? That depends on the depth of your relationship and how you feel about it. Hope you figure it out.

I think you’re not being unreasonable if you decide to distance yourself from her, at least for the time being. She’s not there for you to support you. Maybe in a few months time you will reconnect and the friendship will have evolved into something a bit different,more like someone you go out with once in a while than a real friend you can rely on.
My condolences for your DP!

Different take from my side - it's often hard for people to know how much contact is supportive vs intrusive. You also don't know what might be going on in her life that she hasn't shared because she doesn't want to dump on you whilst you are going through it. I would not have expected a friend I hadn't been that close to for over 8 years to be regular checking in on me.