Boyfriend comes home late

[Beckyymac94]

I have a 7 month old and my boyfriend works evenings so comes home around 12am each night, he then sleeps late, past 3am and wakes up minimum 12 everyday and then goes straight to work, with me he says he can’t have a day off as he needs to work to earn money as he is self employed however he will take a day off when it’s family/freinds birthday and spends time with them and comes home around 3am.His parents have my daughter once a week for 2 nights to give me a break however he says I’m ungrateful as I complain that I do everything even though I get a break. I just feel like we are not a family and he would rather not spend time with me. He says this is not the case and just says I complain all the time regarding money, his job, me doing everything. He says there are girls that look after there children without complaing. Am I overreacting?

I'm surprised your baby is away two nights a week. That's a lot of help.
If he is where he says he is (if), then he's working seven days a week, 12 hours a day. Doesn't leave much free time and I think it's understandable to need time to unwind after work.
It's not sustainable though. Does he see his work always being like this? What about when you go back to work?

How many days a week does he work?

I don't blame you for feeling as though you have no time together.

Who will be providing/paying for childcare when you return to work?

Your DH works 7 days a week?

I think two nights off a week is actually loads of help with the baby but if your partner never spends any time awake in the same house as you and refuses to take any days off then thats obviously an issue! He doesn’t need 3 hours to switch off and then 9 hours sleep every day!

Sorry, I’m a little confused with how you’ve worded this, just to clarify….

He works 7 days a week?

He comes home at midnight, stays awake until 3am (on his own I presume) goes to bed and wakes up at 12 midday?

When he wakes up at 12 midday he just straight away leaves the house?

What does he do?

Your daughter is with your in-laws once a week or 2 days a week? Does she sleep over? are these consecutive days/nights?

When he takes time off for family and friends, is he doing the same pattern, waking at midday then leaving to be with them until midnight?

Feel like I can’t offer advice/support until I know the answers to these 😆

I think he does well to go to bed 3 hours after he gets home from work.

I'm not sure I could!

Only when I need help she will go for two nights as they live far so it does not make sense for her to go for 1 night. He will work when he wants so some days he will work 4-12 others 7-12 it all depends when he wakes up. I was paying all our bills/rent after the first few months of when my child was born as he moved in with me as I was living with my sister before. He wasn’t working so I was paying for everything and I still am paying a lot as he is not earning enough. I am now in debt and have taken loans out as we just could not afford our bills. I have told him multiple times he needs a new job however will look and not apply for any as he dosent like the look of most jobs. He will then complain I’m complaing too much about money when each month I am stressed.

Bloody hell, that's quite the drip-feed and a totally bigger problem than you two not seeing much of each other.

Why would you move him in when he's financially unable to contribute to the family you've made together?

Move him back out until he can and stop taking out loans.

No man is worth doing that for.

Well, you’re right that you don’t get time together as a family. But you seem to be suggesting that he’s working 84 hours per week. That’s 2x full time jobs. Why is he doing that? Do you need all that money? What do you do on the two days where your baby is being looked after elsewhere.
it’s all quite strange.
if you really need this money, then poor guy. Or are you are not seeing this money?

Hiya,

sorry I’ve worded it a bit wrong, so he will work most days everyday however it’s not consistent so some days will work 4-12 others 6-12 some days even 7-12 only it all depends on when he wakes up as he sleep around minimum 3am everyday most days I’m asleep but assuming as he wakes up like 3/4pm he will go sleep around 5am. He falls asleep on the sofa most days so each day I’m stuck in my bedroom with my baby until he wakes up as I don’t want to wake him. Our living room is also connected to our kitchen and he complained once that I make too much noise when I make food so some days I just stay in my bedroom until he wakes up.

yes she sleepover however I am going back to work 2 days a week so we are trying to make it a habit so she gets used to it as she will have to stay there for 2 days while I’m working.

yes, for example today he told me he’s going for a long drive and then going to drop friends home and will be home at 2am. He says this and will come home around 4am.

Oh for gods sake. I’ve just seen your update. Why ON EARTH are you still with this complete loser?

You and your baby stay in a bedroom until 4pm so he can sleep on the couch and you don’t even use the kitchen??

Get rid of this absolute cocklodger!!!

Is your daughter his child? You say you moved him in after your baby was born and keep referring to “my baby”.

If not, his parents were very generous to have the baby so often!

OP he sounds like a bit of a waster

Why are you with him???? and why is it about you and him and not what's best for the baby?