Is this 'good enough'?

[Applesandpears1806]

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now,and we have the best together,we go on days out every so often,and he comes over a time or two during the week when my DS is sleeping at his dad's. He's creative,funny,quirky,kind and caring,and I've never been with anyone intimately where it's been so good. I fell in love with him within 6 months btw.
But I can't see us ever living together(he lives with his parents) he's reluctant to meet my family(not met DS yet which is ok)but it bothers me that he isn't keen on spending any time with my brother who I'm very close to. I just can't see how we'll progress,realistically in our relationship.
Yesterday I asked him if he loved me,and he said no and that it may or may not happen. But it's been a year next month,surely a person knows by now?
Plus he's not a planner at all,and I'd like to plan things from time to time, he lives from week to week in that sense. He always says 'we'll see' to things at times,even to seeing me sometimes too.
But he is a good,sweet man and I do love him. I just feel like it's me suggesting things and when I'm free to see him,instead of him asking.
I'm 39 and he's 42

BTW I'm not sure if I'd want to live with someone again(previously lived with EX for 18 years)as I do enjoy my space,but I want to feel loved and for someone to spend more time with me and want to go away/plan holidays with and for someone to be interested in meeting my son,at the right time,of course. Am I being too much or too needy?

I’d cut him loose, OP, unless the idea of this going on indefinitely, a man who doesn’t love you, lives with his parents, refuses to meet your family and friends, twice-weekly sex, is enough for you. I mean, he sounds awful to me.

All of this. He's not exactly jumping in with both feet is he.

@Applesandpears1806 he's 42 and lives with his parents. He has no interest at all in your family. He doesn't want a full time partner, essentially just friends with benefits on his terms.
Nothing wrong with that if it suits you but clearly it doesn't so can't be 'good enough' for you.

I think only you can be the judge if it’s enough for you. It wouldn’t be enough for me and if any bf hadn’t known if they loved me within a year then I would be ending the relationship to look for better.

Yesterday I asked him if he loved me,and he said no and that it may or may not happen.

expect much better!!

"We'll see" would drive me 🍌🍌🍌"

Of course you’re not asking too much. But he wants no plans, no love, no commitment, no meeting family — just a twice-weekly shag when your child is out of the way. Just move on, OP, and resolve in future not to fall for someone who couldn’t be less bothered about what you want.

First post nails it. You can do better than this, OP, and you deserve better than this too.

Sounds more like FWB than a relationship. He has it handy.

Sorry op but you’re a stop gap
get out before he pulls the plug when he finds someone else or you’ll kick yourself you didn’t get in there first

The first bit sounded great, but he’s already told you how he feels. It depends if commitment-free good times are enough for you as that’s all he’s offering. I wouldn’t even be sure he’ll want that to continue indefinitely given that he’s already told you he doesn’t love you.

To be honest I wonder if you will one day look back on this with hindsight and see things differently, I wonder if you are liking him more because he’s keeping you at arms length and you’ve entered an unhealthy dynamic of chasing him willing him to want you. He doesn’t sound that great a catch to me.

You’re not being needy at all, but personally I can’t see the relationship developing any further than it is now or in the way you want. I’d be calling it quits.

He doesn't love you and never will. I suspect he is incapable of that level of emotion with anyone.

He's quite happy just the way things are.

He's wasting your time, gets what he wants and gives nothing in return. This relationship is dead in the water

After a year, I would be wondering why he's reluctant to meet your family/friends. I understand not meeting your son yet, that's fair enough. He's told you he doesn't love you and may never do so.

I'd say he doesn't want to get heavily involved with you. He's happy to pop over twice a week and go on an occasional outing with you, but that's it. He has no desire to meet your family or friends because, I think he views your relationship as casual. Some men view meeting family/friends as something that's done when you're in a serious relationship.

He doesn't love you. He's not serious about you. I suspect if someone came along, who he liked more, he'd be off.

I'm sorry OP, I think you'd be better off ending this relationship. He's not invested in your relationship, it appears to be all one-sided on your part. He's not going to give you the type of relationship you want.

Sorry OP but he’s not a partner. Hrs a 42 year old manbaby who still lives at home and wants a regular fuck buddy he didn’t have to make any effort with.

You must know deep down this man doesn’t even give you the bare minimum

I agree with all the others OP. He’s not that interested and is showing you this with his lack of commitment. Find someone who will be head over heels for you - not this wishy washy nonsense. He’s a casual fuck buddy not a serious relationship

It wouldn’t be for me unless I was equally uninterested.

I just couldn’t be with a man who lives with his parents at 42!
He doesn’t love you after a year, you do all the planning, I’d drop this lazy man baby.

You've been together nearly a year and he says he doesn't love you but that it may happen?? You're wasting your time with this one OP, if he doesn't love you after a year, it's going nowhere 🤷‍♀️

I don't know why he is getting such a slating!

OP says he is a nice, kind man. Surely that's more important than where he lives. Who knows why he lives with his parents - maybe they need some extra support?.it doesn't make him pathetic or evil.

OP, it sounds like he has been honest with you - he is not in love with you. After a year that would bother me, unless I felt the same.

He’s 42 and still lives at home. Hes
living there probably because he wants to and he can use them as an excuse to not be serious about a relationship.

I am yet to come across a man who lives at home with his parents/mother that is able to have a healthy relationship with a girlfriend. Such men dodge commitment . He also comes across as a failure to launch and in addition he does not love the op nor wants to meet her family.

Most people are nice and kind, but they also live independently, are capable of making plans, are open to meeting their boyfriend or girlfriend's family and friends and have decided whether or not they love someone by the time they're together for a year. 'Nice and kind' is far too low a base level.

His parents are coming up to their 80's and have frail moments,so he likes to be there for them,and he'd admit himself he worries too much about them. He does have his own flat,but chose to move in a few years back once his dad was diagnosed with cancer and has stayed there ever since.
I do understand where everyone is coming from in both perspectives,and appreciate the support.

He Came round last night after work and we talked for a few hours about things,it was calm and he listened,we talked about how we felt and he's understood how important my family is to me,and is willing to spend time with them every so often,as well as a few other things I mentioned. When the weather gets better we'll make plans for nights/weekend's away too.