What do I do about friend?

[OneGreyBiscuit]

I've fallen out with my friend a week ago and there's been no communication since. I'm getting more stressed and upset the longer it goes on. I don't know what to do about it. I'm willing to apologise for one thing I said but not willing to apologise for the things I said that started it off that needed to be said. Anyone else had any similar experience and what did you do?

All sounds a bit grotty and drama fuelled
for s true friendship. Presuming of course that you’re not in year 10.

So fill your time with other friends if you don’t think you need to apologise in the first instance

Can you ring them and have a proper chat to sort it out?

Apologise for your own peace of mind. If they apologise great, if not maybe the relationship will shift but you can feel peace knowing you did what you did to salvage it.

I could but afraid of the reaction. We've never had a falling out like this before but I said something quite hurtful. I just feel like it's a stalemate situation.

Send an apology text then its up to them. But dont be blaming them take responsibility for your part and leave it at that dont get into long winded texted back and fourth if she wants to discuss suggest in person meet.

If you said something hurtful then you should ring your friend and apologise. Hopefully she'll apologise too if she said hurtful things.

Apologise for being a dick and then if that’s not enough, accept that the friendship’s dead.

This is clearly not just about the one thing you’re prepared to accept was hurtful, and it was you who started the argument with whatever you felt ‘needed to be said’.

What was it that ‘needed to be said’ that kicked all this off? Why did it need to be said? Presumably it was a criticism of her or someone close to her. Regardless of whether you think it ‘needed to be said’ - and for all I know she might be a complete cow - you can never expect anyone to just accept criticism like that and say “Oh yes, you’re right”.

I asked her why does she always have to speak about my mother who I have a bad relationship with and said I wasn't happy about her calling my DD an effing kid and her DH keep saying about how old I look and then questioned their friendship and that's the thing I regret asking.

Ah OP write it off. She doesn't sound like a friend. Just let it drift.

You know friends come and go sometimes. You don't have to hang on to them for grim death forever.

To add I've known her for 40 years though and I love her. I don't really have any other close friends, only acquaintances and I'm in my 50s, so hard to find any true friends at my age. I think it's because all of these things happened in a short space of time and I snapped, whereas usually I let things go.

I would never speak again to someone who called my child “that fucking kid”

she completely destroyed the friendship with that one comment

move on - you deserve much better

Yes, been there. The silence is awful.

You can apologise for how you said one thing without apologising for what needed to be said. A short message like:
“I don’t want this to drag on. I’m sorry for that one comment, and I’m open to talking if you are.”

That breaks the deadlock without backing down. After that, the response is on them.

Her exact words were "I'm not being dictated to by a fucking kid" and she didn't apologise for it.

I think you need better friends, but also - is your kid ruling the roost? Maybe that’s not okay with her and she feels like you need better boundaries there.

Was she being dictated to by a child? If yes, did you pull tour DC up on it? In what ways does your DM come up? If you've previously asked her not to mention DM at all and she does so continuously, that would be enough for me.
You shouldn't cling to friendships just because you don't have many others. Try to look objectively at what happened. Do you really want her back or just someone?

I don't think she rules the roost, she was just being a teen and having a bit of a grumble when we was out shopping. Friend had just lost her dog a week or so prior, so tried to factor that into her response, but still think she overreacted. I apologised for DD and thought she'd apologize for what she said but didn't.

I told DC to be quiet because I knew friend was getting testy. 90% of time I see or talk to her she has to mention DM in some way. The biggest problem is because she lives opposite her and because DMS alienated one neighbour, she's now bugging her and that's when she messaged me and said I need to sort her out, which set it all off. I said you don't need to do anything but that doesn't mean I'm going to because I have the bad luck to be related to her.

One example is I arranged my brother's funeral and the songs that were relevant to HIM. Friend heard around town that DM was badmouthing me and saying she doesn't know these songs and she's not happy with me and then friend had to tell me. I asked her then why did she have to tell me that, it gave her the hump she said, so what did she think it would do to me? The situation had nothing to do with her personally and I didn't need to know but she told me anyway?

Your friend sounds dreadful. Be grateful to go VC e her out of your life.

For this person to be a “friend” @OneGreyBiscuit really indicates a very very poor benchmark you have for relationships.

And you continued to spend time with this person? Try as I might, I can’t get my head around your approach to these past experiences with her @OneGreyBiscuit ie rolling over and playing dumb

I'm quite a passive person who doesn't like confrontation. I've not seen her since this, only messages.

Yes but you have started a two threads about indicating you are spending a great deal of time thinking about it.

Do you have other friends?

I've spent a lot of time thinking about it as it's stressful and upsetting. I have other aquaintances, not what I'd call close friends though.

But this person isn’t even a “friend”. Not even an “acquaintance”.

Shes a rude, unpleasant enemy!