Lonely but don’t have anything to give

[FortuneRose]

Can anyone else relate to this? Im a single parent and im so lonely but I just don’t have anything to give to anyone and I don’t have any energy for a relationship but at the same time I am so bloody lonely! What is the answer? Has anyone been here?

Yes OP, but a while back. Its the togetherness, sharing the hard bits and the general sharing of every day events, finances, instead its making it on your own, planning life around the kids on your own. Quite frankly I felt cheated on what I thought was going to be a shared journey, not a solo trip.

I get it. I tried getting time away from the kids, even if it was for just an hour or two, but even that is hard to plan.

Do you have a support system? Parents? The dad?

OP, when you say lonely, but no energy for a relationship - do you mean lonely in general, and not in a romantic/intimate sense, right? Or am I misunderstanding it?
Do you have any hobbies or interests at all? Whatever simple or surface-level they would be, books, movies, artistic things, nature, etc... You could be part of groups that share your interests. Maybe you could form neat friendships this way...

I felt a bit like this last year when I came out of a relationship. I didn’t jump straight back into dating and that was a good choice. I spent the year doing things to improve other aspects of my life - friends, study, work, solo holiday for the first time and learned a lot about myself. I had moments of loneliness but kept busy to avoid spiralling. Time does help. I’m in a healthy place now. If I meet someone I’m better able to spot red flags, if I don’t my life is good.
Can you take small steps each day to do something that makes you feel better? You won’t always feel like this.

I’m having a bad weekend too op
single yet again and for some reason even after 4 months it’s really hitting me hard
I’ve been trying to make friends but its hard
i do have lot of old friends but I feel like whenever I’m single I harass them to do things with me so I’ve decided this time to not bother them
I got myself a painting by numbers kit and it’s actually helped to turn my brain off for a while

A romantic sense.

It sounds daft but you need to invest in yourself, and not look whats lacking. Think.of it as a jigsaw puzzle, you have the kids, a home, a job (add in what u lole im just assuming here) all you are missing is that last piece. The picture can be seen its just missing one piece.

Focus on yourself, hobbies, interests dont wait for someone to complete you.

It is so hard as a single parent, you are always tired and lacking in energy but your state of mind wont be helping too.

I find im.tired whether im out and about seeing friends or out with my children, but im also tired if I stay in and do nothing....so id rather feel tired from the first option.

Can you do workouts at home off YouTube? Increase your energy levels look at what your eating, are you getting enough sleep? Find a new hobby to start your brain off.

Make sure you have boundaries if you do meet someone so you dont put up with anyone or anything

I’ve been single for a decade so it’s not early days

Thank you, I’ve actually been single for a decade so a very long time

Although I’ve been single 4 months this time I have spent a fair majority of my life single before that brief relationship so I can relate
I’m counting down the hours to getting my ds back tomorrow

I relate to this massively. I've been predominantly single for 6 years, apart from an on off thing with a man that literally met none of my needs, except for being company now and again. My eldest is in uni and my youngest is 10. His dad rarely sees him, partly through choice and partly through work, so I rarely have time to myself or for hobbies.
It feels impossible to meet someone because I literally don't have the time to meet and get to know them. When I do have some free time, it is mostly spent alone due to my friends all having their own families they would rather be with on weekends or holidays. It's not unusual for me to speak to nobody except my son during the weekends, no adult conversation, nobody there for me when life is hard. You're not alone, OP. I think there are many more of us than we realise.

I totally resonate to your post, I am a single parent and love the idea of meeting someone and sharing (small snippets of my actual spare time!) with. But emotionally and physically I am exhausted

Same here. I have been with someone dating wise since I was 18, with very few brief periods on my own.
Then I was married for 10 years, and since my divorce 5 years ago I’ve been alone, no dates, no one interested, nothing.

Sometimes I like it, but now im 50 and I don’t really know how it will pan out.

I work full time and have children, and I don’t have the physical or emotional energy, but I find it hard, friends vanished mid divorce, work friends are just colleagues and I find myself with little in my life, and no time or energy for a hobby or even dating.

Should we start a thread for single parents who all have little time or emotional energy to spend outside of work and children? We could post of an evening if we've had a particularly stressful day, or have something they want to share but have nobody to share it with? Could be a nice space to vent and chat without the expectation or need to go anywhere x

I can relate to all of this. I have a great circle of friends but at the end of the day they all go home to their husbands. I’m a single mum and haven’t had a whiff of a date for 10 years. I tried OLD when I first became a single mum but it was so, so awful that I decided it would be better to meet someone in real life. All well and good but in real life I’m either working, parenting or preparing for the next working week. There is literally no time or energy to go out and meet new people. The person who asked what hobbies OP had made me snort. Which single parent has time to even think about a hobby never mind actually do one?! I hear you OP. It’s very lonely at times and I too have had many weekends where the only adult conversation has been with the person on the check out counter in Sainsburys.

I would be up for that!

Yes I totally get what you mean. Single mam of 4 and between work, running the house and catering to the needs of 4 children 100% alone, I am drained. Physically and mentally.

At the same time I get lonely sometimes. And while I have people to do things with. I have no one to do nothing with. Someone to cuddle up with and watch TV in the evenings. Or have a lazy day together. BUT I dont want to date. The thought of it fills me with dred. I just feel like a man would be yet another person I'd have to cater to.

It's a catch 22. Relationships take effort that I don't have the energy for. But then I'm lonely 🙁

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn
Hobbies as a single parent: Surviving and keeping small humans alive.

I've made a thread named The Solo Parent Club. Hopefully we can all come together and share, support each other and make the lonely evenings a little lighter. Looking forward to reading your posts.

You need to fill your own cup of love.

I'm 46 failed marriage behind me, two gorgeous teenagers now 15 and 14 who are finding their own paths in life.

I've had two relationships since my marriage ended in 2018, one was 2 years later for a year, then 3 months later I met a man I thought was the love of my life, 3 years we were together, and he ups and leaves me, after a period of 3 months when he lost his job. Then he played push pull games with me after - now been on my own 2.5 years.

First of all I was the loneliest I have ever felt in my life, as I did not see that ending coming, even though I was stupid to have not as he is a known cheater, and I have been single since, as can't face more hurt or disappointment.

Everyone tells me oh your attractive Michelle, and have loads going for, yet I don't want to be with anyone, as my heart right now can't handle anymore hurt.

Instead I invested in myself. I have taken 8 qualifications since he left, and now on my 8th as studying a part time psychology degree. I work 4 days a week, and volunteer as a Samaritan now too, Last weekend I went to London with my children for the bank holiday weekend. Off to the South of france in 3 weeks for 8 days and have 4 other weekends away booked and paid for up until august, and planning more trips after that,

You don't need to be with someone to fill a void in your life, I know I'll have a relationship again when the right person crosses my path, which for me won't be from a dating site as I can't stand them. Yet I don't sit feeling sorry for myself, and if I am home alone, I make the most of hogging the lounge tv, or reading countless books that interest me, that I never had time to do when I was in relationships, where I know I 100 percent used to put their needs before my own.

Now I quite like being selfish, and enjoy life with my children who in a few years will be way more independent and off doing more of what they want alone, so preparing for that by wanting to build a new career as a psychologist and I plan to join evening classes, as I love art and being creative which I have not embraced since I had my children.