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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Attached to the narcissist

5 replies

Lizzexox · 25/01/2026 12:36

I feel a lot of shame writing this. I was in a relationship with a man for 10 years who I loved deeply. He was controlling and not nice at certain times and towards the end of the relationship he was very cruel to me told me numerous times he doesn’t want to be with me and I would cry and be heartbroken and in the end he ended the relationship and said he wants to remain friends. I accepted it. He then would message me and be super nice to me and then I would get drawn In. He would tell me he doesn’t want me to meet someone else then the next day he tells me he would be fine with it and he would still like to sleep with me while he sleeps with other women. All of what he says is so confusing and again hurtful. He constantly says he isn’t seeing no one then tells me he wants to sleep work other women I just feel he is messing with my head and making me feel really awful. I know this man is cruel I just get sucked in as he will wish me luck at work when I have a presentation etc and I think he is being thoughtful and nice. I worry he may be with someone and it hurts me thinking he is using me. I just need some kind advice on how to break this toxic cycle

OP posts:
200skies · 25/01/2026 13:05

Block him and delete his contact details from everywhere. Going NC is the only way you'll start to get over him. I speak from bitter experience.

Catza · 25/01/2026 13:44

Block and delete. Nothing more to do here.

Endofyear · 25/01/2026 13:58

OP this man is not your friend. He's just a wanker who enjoys toying with your emotions. You need to cut contact with him, it really won't get any better until you do.

Lizzexox · 25/01/2026 18:00

I completely know this is the right thing but it feels physically impossible. After Christmas I was strong and ready to do it and then I go back to being stuck

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 25/01/2026 18:55

Lizzexox · 25/01/2026 18:00

I completely know this is the right thing but it feels physically impossible. After Christmas I was strong and ready to do it and then I go back to being stuck

Do you want a buddy to do it with?

If you can't do it in one go you can do it step by step.

Start by not sleeping with him - to do that you'll need to avoid seeing him (if you must, stick to public places).

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