If your DH works away…

[disappointed124]

through the week but comes home at weekends - can marriage work or is it the beginning of the end?

Weve managed it for 5 years.
Now thankfully his job is moving to 20 miles away.

We did it as it was better for the children.

We also did it for 5 years. It worked out fine. 20 odd years later we are still together. It didn't affect our DDs at all. He was very hands on when he came home. Even if he was home late on the Friday he would be up early on Saturday to let me lie in.

We’ve been married 38 years and my husband has always worked away most weeks and still does sometimes for 2 weeks at a time. Our children just accepted it as the norm.
If you have a strong relationship it will work.

My DH works away for weeks at a time and I have four young children.

I get a lot of support from friends and family and I feel it helps to keep our relationship fresh.

When he’s home he barely works so he gets stuck into parenting then, for a few weeks then he’s off again!

Thank you. This has been our situation for a while but I worry that he’s gradually becoming closer to the city and friends he works in and drifting away from us.

Yes we did it for years and it was fine. I got used to managing 5 kids on my own in the week, had a good routine and quite enjoyed having the evenings to myself (and the bed!) But I have to say, DH was working hard & not going out with friends or having fun while he was away and was always very happy to get home on a Thursday night or Friday. He was fully hands on at weekends with the kids and happy to have them if I wanted to go out. Kids all grown up now and he works from home mostly - I do enjoy it if he has to work away for a night or two though 😂

As long as he doesn’t come home and try to take over, it can work. Also, you have the kids all week, so he needs to respect what you have agreed with them.

Kids older now - less need for him to come home - worried we’re growing apart

Have you spoken to him and explained how you feel? It can put a strain on relationships but communication is the key.

I think it "can" work for some people, depending their personalities, I have seen it - however, how much understanding can one have from the outside is a good question. I also know two couples (from two different countries, so every aspect of their lives different), where the men were away for 1-2-3 weeks a time, eventually the wives felt lonely and had affairs...first emotional ones, but then physical ones, too. And when they separated for this reason, hardly anyone was surprised....
I personally would not do it. You pretty much live your everyday lives separately, the norm is being used to not being together, I don't know, not really selling it for me, I love spending time with my wife, and with us being present in everyday life, not just blissful weekends makes me feel like we are partners.
To each their own, hats off for those who are comfortable being separate like that.

You’re right, you do get used to it and as you say each to their own. I disagree though that just because someone regularly works away you are not partners. You work as a team. Just have different roles. In some ways it makes you closer as you don’t take each other for granted. If my husband didn’t work away internationally we wouldn’t have the very comfortable lifestyle we have and probably wouldn’t be so financially secure when we retire. Depends where he goes but I do sometimes join him so I get to travel too. I guess it works for us, but do understand that it’s not for everyone.

Every couple of months, get childcare and go to where he is say for the Thursday night and come back home together on the Friday

Mine did and when I felt he was drifting away he was -had an affair with colleague !-trust your instincts always .

no

This has always been a hard boundary of mine. I have let partners/my now DH know that I will not accent a job with frequent travel or staying away from home. It’s just not for me.

My dad worked away and only came home at weekends for years and I believe it did irreparably harm my parents marriage and my relationship with him too. Both my mother and I do think he was unfaithful on at least one occasion too.

Are some couples happy and content with it? Of course. I’m personally not interested in it.

Mine works away 8 weeks at a time. I think it makes our marriage work better

Isn't that almost like a long-distance relationship? on a technical level...

We managed it various times over the years with various jobs, married over 30 years now. The hardest time was when the DC were small, but we coped. It helped that we're both introverts who like our own space, and we're also both very independent. He's been permanently home for the last few years and it's actually harder now that the DC are grown and gone, we sometimes get in each other's way and annoy each other so we have to make sure we get enough space.

Same as us 😊