AIBU to slowly stop doing so much for DH?

[Hetty24]

Married 4 years with a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I’m a SAHM and he works outdoors in all weathers, long hours Monday to Friday. I’ve decided I don’t mind doing all housework and childcare but I have decided I to stop picking up his clothes off the floor and putting them in the wash and putting them away. They stay where he leaves them, we currently have a pile of dirty muddy in the hallway and the odd sock in the bathroom. He’s moaned he has no clothes, so he’s noticed but I didn’t say a word. If he wants than washed he can leave them in the wash basket or wash them himself? I’ve also decided I’m not buying his family gifts / cards for occasions. AIBU?

Exactly. He doesn’t know whether you just haven’t gotten round to it, whether you have decided you won’t do the laundry anymore, or what. Communicate! Not nag, just communicate

We ended up having a talk about it. He now puts his clothes in the wash basket, haven’t had to pick up any of his clothes for a couple of months. I also didn’t do anything for his mother on Mother’s Day, I refused to remind him and the night before, he ordered and got sent to her home some flowers. So going forward I won’t be sorting his families gifts and cards etc.

Tell him there is nothing more repulsive to a woman, nothing more likely to make you stop finding a man physically unattractive, than when you realise that you're actually his mum.

Seems reasonable but seems more reasonable to tell him, seems like a dick move to me not to tell him you won't be buying presents etc.. that could easily result in an argument or him blaming you. Why not communicate, I think you might get a better result

My husband’s cafetière (that i never use, only wash) is now growing some sort of species in there, since i refuse to wash the damn thing again.

Glad to hear the update! You could make a positive comment about him being a good male role model for his son. Perhaps a compromise on birthdays etc. might be a planner on the wall, with the proviso that he puts reminders about his side of the family on there himself.

Well done OP.
I do not understand why women do these tasks, absolutely thankless.

My ex used to leave his clothes on the floor, I pointed out that things that need washing needed to go in the basket…fell on deaf ears.
I pointed out that if he was in a hotel his dirty clothes would be left on the floor, staff wouldn’t pick them up; things then went in the basket.
He then moaned about how I’d washed his clothes, e.g 3 black socks washed rather than 4…called me incompetent at laundry; that was the end of his laundry being done for him. Such a knob.

No. no no no - OP is a SAHM not a maid or training a toddler

When I was a SAHM I was happy to wash anything in the washing basket but I wasn't crawling around the floors so that DH could just chuck stuff where he felt like it - it's toddler behaviour!

I'm relieved for you that he finally got the msg about basic responsibilities @Hetty24