Family expectations?

[bluedinopyjamas]

I'm in the middle of divorce proceedings with my abusive ex (refuge... court hearings... parental responsibility removed as well as contact blocked until the children are adults). I'm going through stalking as well as vexatious solicitor communications. My family don't seem to care? There is no checking in/asking how we are... is this normal? What would you do if I were your family member? Am I right to feel hurt and abandoned? Or am I expecting too much from my family who "have their own lives?" I've lived so long in dysfunctional families I cannot tell what is normal anymore.

I'm so sorry. If you were my dd I'd drop everything to come and support you through the whole thing.

I agree with @justtheotheronemrswembley.

It's totally reasonable for you to feel hurt and abandoned @bluedinopyjamas

Your situation seems very scary, especially given the level of restrictions that have been legally placed on your ex.

Hopefully you have also notified the police of every infraction that he has committed.

How are your familial relationships historically?

Thank you for the kind replies. I feel emotional and bereft at the fact that strangers can have sympathy for me and my family cannot engage.

I suppose I'm the "black sheep" of the family. I was abused as a child and I was simply blamed for what happened and that fact that I was distressing my family with my distress.

The police and social services are helpful. Which only seems to further highlight how lacking my family are? I seriously just can't make sense of them all...

Is it "normal" for families to ignore problems that are uncomfortable?! I feel like I would be there for anyone who needs me, much more family member... is it me?! am I lesser?! have I done something wrong?! I just feel so confused... I know families "ought" to care and love... but I've never experienced that and am trying to be that caring loving tole for my children and it's just all so confusing. How can you offer what you've never had? Am I doing it wrong? How would I know if no one has ever genuinely loved me?!

Sorry, I'm feeling very emotional and lacking people to talk to.

Dysfunctional families don't (cant) change. Your family members weren't there for you when you were an abused and distressed child, and whatever it was that stopped them then, is still stopping them. Its awful, it's pitiable, and they are pretty appalling people- but it isn't your fault.

You've recognised the problem, and I have no doubt that you're a bloody good mum who would move heaven and earth to protect your children. Youre the new start in the family.

They don't have the capacity for it @bluedinopyjamas there is no reasonable explanation that could satisfy you or make you feel better, it certainly is not because you are "lesser than"

You are a strong, kick-ass woman who with enormous courage and determination have extricated both yourself and your children from a terrible situation. You should take huge pride from that.

Finding other ways to garner the support you need, without expectation from your family who have consistently shown you they are not available, may give you strength to keep moving forward @bluedinopyjamas

I wish you peace lovely, you are so very brave🌸