This is not me but....

[Selfcareaddict]

I'm awfully confused lately! I recently broke up with my fiance of ten years, this I can agree was the best thing I ever did! He was not good for me and since then I've felt so free. I'm 30 now, own my own property and I have a well paid job now here's the tricky bit.
During my break up I became very good friends with someone at work who I confided in deeply, she's been there for me every step of the way. I have a huge circle of friends who are all very supportive but I have never felt the way I do for my female work friend.
I can't wait to see her, I enjoy her company, her phone calls, I've found myself wanting to kiss her.... but I've always been straight! She is not straight and this has never bothered me. I feel like there is a lot of flirtatious tension between us at times!
I'm scared though, there's such a perception around these things. I mean I wouldn't call myself a lesbian but we really do have a connection I'm just so worried about what everyone will say about me which is ridiculous but also is making me hold back from what I really want!

Please can we have an after dinner update

Bloody hell, Hope you went for it!!! All of these people saying be single for a while and adding to the confusion… you’ve been single 6 months, every bloke who’s shown an interest in you has given you the ick, and yet here you are in a pseudo relationship with a woman who makes you so happy but not crossing the physical line because of some internalised homophobia from your, frankly hypocritical, mother! Or maybe she was reverse uno-ing you? Sparking some mother-daughter rebellion dynamic? Don’t you dare be gay!!! (Crosses fingers)… Anyway, I hope the radio silence means you’ve both not got out of bed all day ❤️

Sounds like a very upbeat and positive advice, but we're not celebs in a 90s romcom... so maybe consider what impact "not getting out of bed all day" would mean with a coworker.

Is your work colleague single?

Yes very single and has been for a while.

Was a lovely evening, normal, relaxing over a lovely meal, chatting and laughing over some wine and a nice film and yes I went home to my own bed!

No, I didn't make a move but feel happy and content with how everything is at the moment. Woke up this morning feeling like I'm in a happy little bubble.

F

So you broke up with your ex not because you didn't fancy him or felt attracted to women because he treated you badly. You have a friend who treats you nicely so you think 'Wouldn't it be so much easier to be with her?'. You mention kissing her but you don't mention whether you would consider a sexual relationship. It's one thing to feel you want to express your love and appreciation for someone but another to take it to a sexual relationship. Would you be reading the same signals into her behaviour if she was straight? Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she considers you a potential girlfriend.

If you feel attracted to women, no problem, explore that but don't make your friend the rebound. And be prepared to move jobs if the fall out becomes awkward.

Don't jump out of the pan into the fire. Stay friends for professional reasons for at least a year. Your hormones are all over the place right now so your judgement is impaired

I'm so glad you're not now with someone who, as you put it, dimmed your light. No one deserves to be a lesser version of themselves in a relationship. Wishing you all the best for the future OP

If you feel attracted to women, no problem, explore that but don't make your friend the rebound. And be prepared to move jobs if the fall out becomes awkward.

Yes, this.

A lot of lesbians are fed up of being used as some sort of experiment for divorcees who have become unsure of their sexuality.

Fine to go out and meet other women while being honest about this, but not so fine to complicate things with your colleague.

Above all else, you need your job right now.

You’re being very black and white about it: I thought I was straight but now I might be a lesbian. Being bisexual is a perfectly valid sexual orientation and many people are. Without having to jump to one extreme label or another it might take some of the pendulum swinging confusion in your head away.