Stay together for the kids

[NeatSeal]

Has anyone ever stayed together when relationship is stale and not great for sake of kids and not regretted it?

we don’t argue or have violence etc but is just nothing special.

Could you try couples therapy if he is willing?

Staying for the sake of the kids is a statement that often does not stack up when scrutinised.

Whose sake would you be staying for really because it can be argued its not the children's; more likely your own because its somehow "easier" for you to stay and otherwise kick the can down the road. There are plenty of threads on here and other forums from now adults who have stated their parents should have parted ways when they were much younger. They knew far more than their parents cared to realise about the state of their parents' relationship.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?. What are they learning from you two?.

As our children grow older, they tend to replicate relationships similar to what their parents modelled. As parents we’d never say we want our children to suffer or struggle in their relationships. Yet that’s the greater likelihood. It’s not what we say but what we do that matters. Telling our children they deserve healthy, respectful, and loving partnerships isn’t taken to heart if we don’t have the courage to live up to our own words.

Not infrequently, people are simply afraid to move on with their lives and take their own responsibility for happiness. Financial concerns or the fear of being alone often motivate such paralysis, hidden beneath the mask of "staying together for the children".

Does he as well as you equally want to put in the hard work to see real change?.

Never. The kids will know and will not see a healthy loving relationship. Better they see you separate but happy.

Staying for the kids is never the answer.

Children know more than you think and can sense atmospheres and body language that is off. Don’t let them grow into adults who have a distorted view on what a relationship is because you didn’t model a healthy one for them. It will have life long effects on them.

Also you do not want them to grown into adults that turn to you and say “I wish you’d left years ago, we knew you didn’t love each other, we knew we were different to a “normal” family and it confused me.”

You also need to remember that one day, the children you stayed for will become adults who leave and then it will just be you and this man that you don’t love or probably particularly like and you’ll either stay because you’ve already stayed long enough or you’ll leave once the kids leave. Either option will just be so many wasted years of your life that you could have been so much happier in.

I commented on your other thread. Breaking up isn't possible, financially, is it?