I can’t stand my partners family, what do I do?

[Bluemugoftea]

My partners family are rude, ableist and very arrogant. They make small comments about disabilities such as autism etc that it is put on.

His family are close, him his sibling and parents and I can’t stand to be around them anymore. I dislike talking about people who I don’t know or about people I do know behind their backs.

Other than just refuse their invitations I don’t know what to do. At one point my tongue will be so bitten I’m going to crack and tell them all about themselves. My own family are “normal” and we do spend more time with them but that’s only because they support us and never talk about other people. My partner does not talk about others and when in their company he kind of zones out because he doesn’t talk this way. But he still wants to visit and sees no issue.

Then just he visits?

Sadly in a relationship we kind of end up in a relationship with a whole family and I empathise OP as my in laws are terrible.

I’ve just cut down my visits to bare minimum and zone out when FIL is ranting about brown people, foreigners (I’m foreign!), his stupid wife (sat next to him) etc etc.

I feel your pain @Bluemugoftea

I don’t really know who or what they are trying prove but it’s very uncomfortable. I’m not keen on the kids hearing it so I tend to go and keep them occupied so they don’t listen to this crap.

I think this is doomed unless you are on the same page. I have no relationship with my own family and we have a limited relationship with some of dh’s (the others are lovely). It works because we both agree it’s the right approach. I’d just stop seeing them. If your partner is on board with that, great. If not, it’s a problem unless you can figure out a compromise you’re both comfortable with.

I can't see this relationship lasting. His family are people who voice unpleasant views and he's happy to go along and not challenge them. Over time this is going to annoy you more and more. If you have children, will you be happy for them to spend time with these people? Because they will. Think very carefully about what a future with your partner and his family looks like.

Unfortunately the boat has sailed on the kids front. I didn’t really realise how bad his family were until we’ve started spending time together with kids etc.