To take a break or is it over

[Cosyreader1]

I'm in a long term relationship (14 years) with a 1 year old child. Things have become strained and we have become increasingly distant. I don't know if it's just a break we need or if this is it. For anyone that has taken a relationship break, has it helped or did you end up splitting anyway ?

Hi it depends on the situation. What has exactly happened so we can answer this for you

Why is it strained has something happened?
More information is needed.

I may sound very black and white, but people who take breaks are simply just trying to be careful or not admit to themselves when something is over. But eventually, it will lead to the inevitable. No relationship problem ever was solved by taking a break - because ask yourself, if not being in each others' company, not having to endure each others' face is bliss, then what are we talking about? Grownups talk, and work on their problems if they can, if there is no way for that, then splitting up is the way, unfortunately. Relationships need work from both, and having children definitely cranks the difficulty up a notch, too, there is no denying that. Obviously, you didn't go into details what the problem is, but a "break" is like putting a plaster on a way bigger wound. Waste of time.

I agree with pp, a break is usually a softer way of breaking up.

Can you give us more details? I do tend to agree with PP that if you feel you need a temporary break, it’s often just a means to separate without such huge drama?

No good can come from a break.

I think breaks tend to be a short breathing space that allows the inevitable break up to be less heated.

This seems like avoiding dealing with the issue. If it silly things that are giving you the ick them maybe this would work. If however it is more deep rooted then this break would only in effect" kick the can down the road". Maybe book sessions with a relationship counsellor to try and work out what has caused the distancing.

Based on what you said I am assuming this all started since having the baby a year ago? Being together for 14 years kind if creates a certain dynamic to the relationship and maybe that has been disrupted since the baby was born, which is completely normal. Things you used to do before are not happening any more, the times you spent talking and looking after each other are becoming less and less and if slowly but surely you will grow a bit distant and that will become the norm. Have you actually sat down with your partner and discussed why this is happening? But I do agree with pp, regarding taking the break.

So I think @Error4O4 probably hit the nail on the head...Things have changed since we had our baby. The majority of caring for her as fallen to me, he barely changed a nappy for months, didn't get up with her in the night at all until a couple of months ago (she was breastfed but would take a bottle), never did a night feed, I would dress her, bath her, get her ready for the day, put her to bed etc. I slept in our spare room with her on my own until she moved to her own room. I'm now back working full time, still doing the majority and doing pretty much all the housework. He drinks frequently and leans on me a lot financially as he is poor at managing money. We just seem to be constantly bickering. Some of these issues were present before having our baby but I think I just naively thought he would change once the baby came along.

He sounds useless op.

"I think I just naively thought he would change once the baby came along."

Sadly, so many women think this. Men show you who they are when the chips are down: crisis, illness, pregnancy. If they don't support you during those times the continue on snd often become worse. Don't waste time trying to change him, hope he'll change or try to live with it. Just leave him.

I am sorry but I just look at everything as pros and cons in life, especially having people in my life. Try and do a list of that yourself and just place it in front of you, the good and the bad of having him around and see which is which.

OP, you have a baby, a job and a heavy drinker who does little except sponge off you. Which of these three is dragging you down? Why would you stay with such a selfish layabout?

He sounds like a useless tosser.

Get rid of him before he steals the best years of your life.

Honestly OP, I would dump him. Skip the "break." We're not in HS anymore.

I read your update and I am telling you, you deserve your happiness and your happiness does not have this clown in the picture. And a clown he is.

Thinking about it dispassionately what does he bring to your life?

Obviously I don’t know the chap, but from what you say there are alot of negatives.

Thanks all. I think laying it bare for others really has helped. Of course we have had our good times and I think looking back, I probably just put up with some of these issues along the way. However, now we have a child, my priorities are different and I guess I'm just no longer willing too. I feel a growing sense of resentment towards his behaviour and I'm not sure it's something we could really come back from.