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Original poster

feeling resentment towards my partner

8 replies

pgymyhippolover · 22/01/2026 20:50

i have been with my partner for four years now, living together for one. i have always been type A, overthinker, anxious and feel things deeply. my partner is type B, play it by ear, very chill.
recently living together has lost its excitement (which is normal I know) and I'm feeling resentment creeping in. I usually cook and clean unless I ask him to take over, and take care of the majority of the things around our home, and he's pretty happy to let me do so and plays games a lot. This makes me moody quite a lot of the time and then guilty, because he always so cheery but unaware that I feel I have a lot on my plate. We're trying to save for a house so most of our money goes towards saving and everyday expenses, but I still feel that he is stingy with me in ways that I am not with him. It feels so petty to bring all these little things up but it's building and building to the point that I feel like he's not showing he loves me. I want to communicate that I deserve more, but I just don't know if it's my fault for always being moody.
I love him and want us to work on it, but when I bring it up I don't think he understands how much this really affects me and I feel silly for feeling this way.
am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
puppyparent · 22/01/2026 20:54

It’s not petty to call out the fact that you’re doing all the grunt work around the house while he’s gaming. No wonder he’s cheery. Have a grown up discussion about sharing responsibility for the jobs around the house that need doing.

Dillydollydingdong · 22/01/2026 20:55

You need to sit down, have a serious talk and work out a plan for the future. He's behaving according to the Man Plan that most men abide by, given the chance. But if you're resenting it already, it's not going to work, is it?

neatlumix · 22/01/2026 21:02

I'm kind of in the same boat. Its the first time I've lived with someone and in my 40's I was so happy a relationship was finally working that I think I rushed into letting him move in.

He was great but I know what you mean that initial excitement and honeymoon phase where you have your rose tinted glasses on is over. We do share the cooking but he doesn't really clean up much and he's hopeless with money. I want to save for a house and he says he does but he spends everything on his hobby or flying home to see his family (he's not from the UK). I am subsidising him and I'm realising if we stay together I will be for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I was just a meal ticket to him and that he isn't really on board with any of the plans we spoke about before he moved in and that he just wants an easy life.

I'm 48 now and it was hard enough out there the last time, he's not violent or angry all the time and he's not an addict of any kind which is what I kept coming up against previously so perhaps that's as good as it gets? I see women I know adored and taken care of my their husbands and I do feel sad knowing that won't ever be me, that I have to do the running and the taking care of to keep a man.

Lavenderosemary · 22/01/2026 22:33

It's unlikely to improve. Maybe here and there for a short period when he thinks you're really missed off, but not long term,. If he doesn't care about your wellbeing, not to mention enough about basic fairness while you're a fairly new couple - he ain't never going to. It will just get worse.

Catza · 23/01/2026 07:52

neatlumix · 22/01/2026 21:02

I'm kind of in the same boat. Its the first time I've lived with someone and in my 40's I was so happy a relationship was finally working that I think I rushed into letting him move in.

He was great but I know what you mean that initial excitement and honeymoon phase where you have your rose tinted glasses on is over. We do share the cooking but he doesn't really clean up much and he's hopeless with money. I want to save for a house and he says he does but he spends everything on his hobby or flying home to see his family (he's not from the UK). I am subsidising him and I'm realising if we stay together I will be for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I was just a meal ticket to him and that he isn't really on board with any of the plans we spoke about before he moved in and that he just wants an easy life.

I'm 48 now and it was hard enough out there the last time, he's not violent or angry all the time and he's not an addict of any kind which is what I kept coming up against previously so perhaps that's as good as it gets? I see women I know adored and taken care of my their husbands and I do feel sad knowing that won't ever be me, that I have to do the running and the taking care of to keep a man.

It's definitely not as good as it gets. Every relationship has problems but they can still be loving and nurturing regardless. My advice is to get out of it now. Not being a violent drug addict is a pretty low bar.
More importantly, people treat you how you allow them to treat you. I know the whole "love yourself" is a cliche but, unfortunately, unless you set some standards and you are not afraid to lose the wrong guy by enforcing them, you'll keep running into men who treat you like crap.
I am in my 40s, was in a pretty similar situation as you. Took time out to figure out how I ended up there and am now with a guy who dots on me.

neatlumix · 23/01/2026 16:12

@Catza Thanks I appreciate this. Its difficult in some ways like he can be lovely but also sometimes or when he feel like throwing me a bone it isn't enough. I think I've been a bit naïve even at my age. I do still think that I can't bare to be out there again and that its not going to ever happen but I think I could get to a headspace where being on my own would be ok if this doesn't work out.

Original poster
pgymyhippolover · 24/01/2026 16:18

Sorry to hear that's been your experience of men. When you've experienced the worst you truly set the bar so low! My ex was emotionally abusive and in this relationship now I still feel like anything better than that is a blessing, and probably causes me brush most things he does under the rug.
I am also terrified to get out there and start all over again, but I'm young and only in my early 20s and think how much longer can I really tolerate this for?

OP posts:
Daveyouronmute · 06/04/2026 08:58

pgymyhippolover · 24/01/2026 16:18

Sorry to hear that's been your experience of men. When you've experienced the worst you truly set the bar so low! My ex was emotionally abusive and in this relationship now I still feel like anything better than that is a blessing, and probably causes me brush most things he does under the rug.
I am also terrified to get out there and start all over again, but I'm young and only in my early 20s and think how much longer can I really tolerate this for?

You've answered your own dilemma. It shouldn't be like this so early on in the relationship.
You're lucky enough to have seen his behaviour this early and not wasted years like this. Look at all of the examples on this thread and other threads. Be brave. Leave. Start again. I'd be out like a flash in your situation.

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