Starting life again at 45

[Twizzlelolly]

Going through the longest breakup ever. Separated over 6 months ago and still living together. Stuck living in ex partners house. Feel so so down. Dreading the future and starting over at 45 with 3 children and no career. The sadness feels like it is radiating from my body and people can see what a loser I am. Feel like I failed at life. Am I too old to turn it all around? Does anyone have any success stories to give me hope?

Oh @Twizzlelolly poor thing. Be kind to yourself, this things happen.

when are you moving out?

Rethink this, OP!

You are 45. You have three children. There are so many people who would love to be in that position. (I don't mean "You should be lucky!" I mean it's a great place to be in).

45 isn't even that old these days. (I am 59 😆)

For sure, have a pity party. Life is not going how you expected/wanted it to go. But yes, you have a future ahead of you.

I mean, it’s hard of course and presumably not what you wanted/expected. But also maybe quite exciting, once you have the headspace to think of it that way? How old are the children and will their Dad stay involved?

thank you for the kind replies. I know I need to reframe it and give myself a kick up the bum, finding it tough.
i can’t afford to rent privately, he refuses to move out and keeps stalling sorting living arrangements.

I’ve started a course to retrain and now doubting myself. Worried about the future and that I am too late to improve my job prospects and how am I going to manage

One is almost an adult (not his) and younger 2 in primary now.

OP, you sound like an proactive restarter. What are you training in? Retraining is a brilliant idea.

Agreed - re-training is a great start. You can’t control what your ex does, unfortunately, but you can change your own circumstances and it sounds like you’re started on that already.
Also, at 45 you’ve got 20 more years in the workplace, definitely worth trying to improve your prospects. I know a couple of people who’ve had complete career changes in their 40s - it’s worked out well for them.

Doing an access course hoping to do OT. But, it’s another 3 years of training.

Keep going OP! AI is not going to take OT away. You've got a future-proof career right there.

I too had a horrible breakup at 45. We were renting, he left and I had to cover all the bills alone which took a big hit on my savings.

At the time, I thought there was no way out of this emotional, mental, financial mess.

I dealt with each month only. Didn't stress about next year or the year after. Just how I was going to cope for the next month.

I started a gratitude journal. Was focused on the positives in my life. Slowly, things started to turn. Promotion at work, feeling better about myself, made new friends, decorated the flat the way I wanted (you tube videos were a saviour).

It gets better. It really does. Focus on you and the kids (not him).

Good luck with the retraining. Dont give up!

Try and find little positives.
Give yourself time to grieve and allow yourself those moments. You don't have to pretend that everything is OK, but you aren't failing, you aren't behind, you are just where you are in this moment.

Things can change, retraining and getting some focus is brilliant. Small steps.

Try and remember that the image people put forward of their lives is not always reality so most of us don't have it figured out yet.