How did you know?

[ImperialGoddess]

Been with my husband for 11 years, married for 8.

Lately I have found a few articles of clothing(shirts, sweaters) in our laundry that I have never seen before. I found a hairclip tucked underneath the backseat of my truck. I found a used (nothing in it) condom in my garage.

When I addressed these things with my husband. He seems oblivious. The first sweater I found he claims he has never seen it. Don't know where it came from. He said maybe I accidentally grabbed it on one of my outings with my son..which has not happened of the 4 years I've had my kid, but hey..it 'could' happen, right?When I asked him about the condom, he said he had no clue. Maybe it fell out of the trash or our son threw it in there (our son does find things and throws them in the garage). And then I found a shirt yesterday, and it smelled like scented detergent..which we don't use scented detergent as our son has allergies. We did have in-laws in town for the holidays but these shirts would not fit them. I also checked with them about it and they said it wasn't theirs, and the hairclip 'may' have been my MIL but she couldn't say for sure. But she did ride in the back seat so its possible.

I want to believe him and trust him. We've been together a long time and I honestly don't know when he would have time. I really don't know what to think. I did mention that I have been cheated on before and he got very upset saying he would never do that.

Tricky one. These things can happen on one hand.

Years ago myself and then partner were going through a rocky patch. He had moved to a new city and I was following along. He was staying in my sister's place while she was away. When I arrived I found a woman's top in the bedroom that I assumed was my sister's. She then gave it back to me. Cue lots of confusion then we both realised it had somehow shown up there.

So an investigation began. As it turned out it belonged to my friend who had visited me before I left my previous home and somehow come in my luggage where I unpacked it in my sister's house.

So all was well it would seem.

Except it wasn't. My partner had been acting strangely and there were some weird interactions taking place. I remembered them all individually - I'd pushed them aside at the time - about a year later when he came clean to me that he had cheated on me during that period.

So how is this relevant to you?

I don't honestly think you would be concerned about an item of clothing, a hair clip etc after having guests if your instincts weren't fired up.

Unfortunately it's not clear if you're alert because of your current circumstances (with him) or your history (previous experience of relationships, maybe even from childhood observations).

Try to be calm and look at it logically. Has his behaviour changed? Is he secretive with his phone? Is his treatment towards you different?

Yeah i'm thinking the same as the previous poster.

These things sound a bit random and unlikely to be honest. Could a condom have come in stuck on the car wheel or a boot in the garage?

Would your husband really be putting a mistress' clothes in the house laundry?

A random hair clip ....

Just out of interest what order did you find these things and over what time scale?
And how old are your kids?

Thank you for your replies.

A little history. I guess I am a bit iffy about it because this is how I found out my ex was cheating on me. Finding random things around the house. But he WAS a POS and there was a lot of red flags. He was very manipulative and controlling so the situation as a whole is different, hince my hesitation (I do have PTSD from that relationship, I do have a therapist).

My husband is am overall good guy. He has his flaws, he's not perfect but he's not a bad guy. He has been acting a little more distant lately in the physical aspect but we have also been going through some rough patches as he does have anxiety and he just recently agreed to talk to someone (I've been dealing with it for 4 years and he really needs to see someone)..although with him in the military we are still trying to figure out those logistics.

Laiste: order.. First I found a sweater, then the condom..then the hair clip and then this other shirt. Probably over the last month. Would he leave someone else's clothes somewhere? Not sure. He leaves his stuff everywhere and it had taken a lot of "training" to get him to put stuff away where it belongs.

Hi, with that update I think your suspicion is warranted. I don't know what the solution is though as it sounds unlikely he would come clean..

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's a horrible feeling.

Even if you use scented laundry products you can still smell perfume from other sources!