Removed from group chat

[Littlebluedot]

So i have been part of a group chat and i got quite close with one of the ladies, then she started being quite nasty, making digs, making comments about fancying my husband. She then went on holiday with our other friend from the group and told her that my husband cheated on me....

I then tried to contact her - she ignored all my calls, messages etc so then i got really angry and out of anger i outed her in the chat, i only left the post on about a minute and then thought better of it and deleted it.

Since then i have been removed and ostracized, i was told i was being removed for the safety of the group and that others saw the message and felt uncomfortable, i have had others in the group block me and tell me my values don't align. I just feel like this is all very unfair, i'm the victim of one person's nastiness yet i'm being punished.

Now the founder of the group has blocked me - even after saying I could reach out if i wanted support. Also just to mention, I was very involved in the group and organized a lot of the events etc.

I am really struggling to process and come to terms with it all and any nice advice appreciated, yes i know its my own fault for posting on the chat but I did it in the heat of the moment and deleted i very quick.

Please if u don't have anything nice to say, scroll past.

Thank you xx

It sounds horrible but tbh you’re better off without them as clearly they’ve taken her side. However I would agree that whether they’re unreasonable depends what was in the post.

It sounds like you're better off nowhere near that particular woman.

I agree with other posters that the other group members may have been perfectly reasonable or not depending on what your deleted post actually said. If it was anything threatening or discriminatory they were probably right to remove you; that's a two wrongs don't make a right situation

Either way I think you'll need to let this group go. I'm sorry it all turned so sour after you put in effort.

It may be that the language and tone you used was the problem rather than the issue you were addressing. Some might say that it should have been kept between just you and her, but I think that went out of the window when she gossiped to others in the group about you.

As it was a group you joined to make local friends, will you be bumping into any of them? If you do see any of the women you liked perhaps approach them and explain you were very angry with the woman for the lies she'd told when you posted, but took it down immediately as you realised the chat wasn't the place to express your anger. You might find they sympathise and are willing to remain friends with you away from the group chat.

Group dynamics can be really strange and when no one knows each other that well, it can come down to who gets their story in first and who is the most charming and charismatic. Not who is right.

I'd say it's highly likely that you would have left the group soon anyway. Just dust yourself off, be grateful that you now know what they are like and invest your time in others. And I'm sorry this happened to you

@Icecreamisthebest "Group dynamics can be really strange and when no one knows each other that well, it can come down to who gets their story in first and who is the most charming and charismatic. Not who is right."

That is a really good point.

You all sound a bit weird

like why are you joining a group chat with randoms and getting surprised when they remove you? They have no loyalty towards you, they don’t know you, it’s not a genuine friendship. They don’t want the drama frankly, it seems like a bunch of people who don’t know each other that well, of course they’re gonna remove/block anyone that comes across as lax with boundaries. Personally I’d think both you and the other lady were unnecessarily dramatic but they clearly connected with her more. There’s nothing you can do, there’s no sense or fairness in random group chats

Thank you for all your advice and kind comments.

The post I put just asked why she would think it's ok to go round saying my husband had cheated and she was trying to ruin my marriage.

She is extremely calculated and has did to the group owner that she thinks very highly of me and values thy friendship, 😂😂so obviously they took her side.