I have no one to speak to IRL

[LostandWorried10]

I'd like to start by saying my relationship isn't particularly bad, it's boring and loveless and I want to leave.
We've been together for 6 years, I'm a single mother to 1 teen and he is a single Dad to two teens and we don't live together. He's on a much higher wage than I am so quite often he will pay for things meals etc. nothing like bills. In the past two years he's paid for a few holidays knowing I had absolutely no way of paying for and he was fine with that. I sorted any spending money which I really struggled to do being on such a restricted wage.
Anyway my problem is that every time we argue he will instantly mention everything he's paid for over these years. I have never asked him for a single penny and honestly didn't even want to go on these holidays as I'm scared of flying (I went for the benefit of the kids).
I've asked him to go to counselling in the past as when we argue he flies off the handle to such an extreme he's hit me once in the past, punched a hole in one of my walls and when I've left his home to avoid and argument he's got in his car and met me at my house to continue the row rather than cool down (he no longer has a key to my home as I can't trust him).
I no longer see friends as I know it will end up in a row that I've been out and cut into "our time".
I want to leave him and I'm desperate to free but I don't know how and I afraid of what he'll do or say.
He relates everything to money and what he's spent, I can't afford my bills some months let alone pay him back, and that's why I've stayed so long.
We'll never live together and we'll never get married, we don't particularly enjoy each others company. but he feels entitled to this relationship as he spent money on it.
How do I leave without him threatening me with paying him back or violence???
Please someone help me I have absolutely no one. I've lost all of my friends during this relationship and I don't want my family knowing.

You don't live together, you don't have children together, and you don't like each other, so I can't think of a single reason why you would stay. Also, your relationship is terrible (contrary to your opening statement)!

Unless the money he paid for holidays etc was a 'loan', and he has some evidence of this, I'm not sure how he can get any of it back from you, and in case, he is certainly not entitled to the relationship because he paid for a few holidays. I am assuming he isn't paying anything on a regular basis. So just end it and block him. As for violence, perhaps have someone with you when you tell him, and if it escalates, get the police involved?

Don't tell him in person. Text him. Tell him you will call the police if he tries to come around. Do call the police if he tries to come around.

Maybe phone a domestic violence charity for advice on how to end it with him before you do.

Do you have anything in his property you really want back? If yes collect it next time you’re there.

If not, then meet him in a coffee shop. Tell him you’re ending the relationship because it isn’t working for you. Then leave and block him from contacting you. Job done.

Editing because I just re read you’re post and I see you’re scared off. Contact domestic abuse charity, inform the police you’re in an abusive relationship which you’re ending and you’re scared of how he will react and follow their advice.

Just tell him it’s not working out anymore.

If the threatens violence call the police.

Save yourself and your child any more trauma - leave him. You don’t owe him an explanation and if you are fearful of his response, grey rock and cut all comms or get the police involved from the outset.
His behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.

Are you seriously worried about him becoming violent? If so, please contact women's aid and tell someone in real life that you are planning on breaking up and are worried about his reaction. I bet your estranged friends would be glad to help if you are trying to break up with him. Have some real life back up when you do break up with him (and you have to break up with him - he is absolutely abusive)

Agree with PP. Text him saying it’s over, then block him.

If he turns up at your house (please keep doors locked) you call the police

I have severe anxiety so even the thought of him kicking off is enough to keep me there and he knows it.
Last time we split up he hounded me at my job (public facing) everyday until I was pulled in for a disciplinary. I went back to him just to make life easier.

I didn't think it was that bad. But the more I typed the more I can see myself how terrible it is

He hit you! How can you possibly think it wasn't that bad. I am not being hit in my relationship. Never have been. If I were, it would be a swift call to the police and wave good bye to the chap who did it.
Now, i know perfectly well what domestic violence looks like and I can perfectly understand how hard it is to leave (my mum was with an abuser for 9 years and I have great compassion even though it pisses me off when I think I was put in a position of growing up witnessing this). So I am not victim blaming here. But, surely, you don't imagine that hitting your partner is "not that bad".

Call women's aid. Today. Now. You need some support and you need to end this relationship safely.

I am also fuming at your work who pulled you in for a disciplinary instead of providing you with support and making sure you are safe. I'd tribunal their arse too!

You are in an abusive relationship. Its coercively controlling ( which is illegal) which is why you have no friends and cannot leave him without fearing his reaction. It is also a violent relationship. Its about power and control for him. That's why he wants to stay with you even though he does not seem to like you. What he enjoys is the control he has over you.

Speak to a DV charity for advice on how to leave him. You will need to be prepared to get the police involved.

End it by text or email. Given that he harassed you at work before, as soon as you have finished with him, tell your workplace. Ask your line manager that you are fearful for your safety and can you work from home or another site or behind the scenes.

Last time we split up he hounded me at my job (public facing) everyday until I was pulled in for a disciplinary.

Wtf, your employer has a duty of care to you in the workplace. They shouldn't have reacted like that.

If he ever does something like that again, contact the police.

You need to take advice from a domestic abuse organisation about leaving him safely because he's dangerous. I second comments about retrieving anything you value before ending it and definitely end by text/WhatsApp/email. Have you considered doing a Clare's Law request about him? Don't tell him your plans to separate or try and get him to see sense - he's 100% an abuser. If he has any access to your accounts or devices you need to secure these quietly in advance or as you leave. He may be tracking your location and activity. If anything scary happens, do not in any way give him the benefit of the doubt - just call 999.

You will be able to provide evidence of his hounding you at work... I'm no expert but perhaps you could get a restraining order on that basis... I second everyone's advice to get RL advice from a domestic violence charity on how to leave him, and do not give him any indication that you are going to do so before you can get to safety. Wishing you all the best.

Tell him you no longer want to continue with the relationship and do not want to discuss anything.

Tell him that you do not want him to visit your property and you do not want him to contact you and keep a log of anything he does to the contrary and report to the police if he does.

Get a video doorbell for peace of mind.

Oh love, you're not in a boring and loveless relationship, you're in an abusive relationship. You're afraid of him and with good reason. If I were you, I'd contact the police on 101 and tell them what you've said here, you want to end the relationship but he's been violent and abusive and you're afraid of repercussions. They will be able to advise you. And you don't owe him any money - it was his choice to pay for holidays and you never agreed to pay him back. Don't let him hold that over you to keep you there, you don't have to stay with him because of this.

Some great advice already shared so I won't repeat, but I wanted to add he may whinge about the money he's paid and want you to pay him back, but as he's trying to manipulate you just think he was doing these things anyway and wanted company so paid for you, like you said he was happy at the time to do it without repayment. Just keep replaying that to yourself and don't let him guilt you into thinking you owe him anything, you don't.

@I second others @LostandWorried10 Phone a DV centre and the police. If he willingly paid for those holidays and didn't set them out as a loan you owe him nothing. Explain he hit you and damaged your property in anger and you are scared of him - Ask for advice

One more thing I would ask , and I know it's a big thing. Are you ashamed of your family knowing? Ie they think he's fine because you haven't told them. If there's a way you think they may support you then I would tell them. But I don't know. It's a thought. If you think they'll be on your side then telling them may be like ripping a plaster off. If you think they definitely won't , then ignore me.

But I wish you all strength and luck 💐