Dating post divorce - too soon/not attracted?

[Toosoon12345]

I got divorced last year after a 30 year marriage. He was my one and only serious
relationship . I am early 50s.
I have spent the last year coming to terms with what happened and trying to get to know myself as a single woman.

A few weeks ago I was asked out by a man I know very vaguely. On paper things look good, bit older than me, good job, a gentleman. We have had 2 dates, one for Sunday lunch, the other walk and a coffee.
problem is I’m don’t really feel an attraction and keep comparing to how I was swept off my feet by my ex. Ridiculous I know and I’m also acutely aware that decent single men my age are thin on the ground.

Should I perserve or is 2 dates enough to
know it’s not right? He seems very keen but respectful. Am so out of my Depth with it all I don’t trust my judgement.

Sometimes attraction can grow, depends if the thought of kissing him makes you squirm then it’s not going to get better. You are right though keen and respectful men are few and far between, I think see him again see if any attraction does grow, it may do if you enjoy his company, if you dread seeing him again that when you get yourself out of it.

I'd say there isn't any point in continuing. Yes there may not be a ton of decent men out there but you only need to find one. Mature love is different from being "swept off your feet", sure, but if there is no attraction at all it's a non starter.

There is a tiny bit of attraction but I think fear plays a big part in it. It all feels so strange

I think general rule is give it 3 dates unless you can't stand them 😆

Maybe we need an evening pub date - less pressure and I might relax after a few drinks!

Leave it. If you need a few drinks then it's not right.
Carry on living your life and building your sense of self and who knows who may cross your path.
Life's too short to compromise.

Comparing a couple of dates in your 50s to how things were when you were in your 20s is not really fair on you or him? So maybe it is too soon.

Do you actually want to see him again? If yes, then see him again. I wouldn’t think much beyond that. Do you want to kiss him? You don’t have to yet, but I would say you should at least want to.

Personally i’d say give it one evening date and see how you feel then. In my experience I know quite quickly if i’ve got some chemistry with someone. With my ex we were good friends and I never fancied him, but he wouldn’t give up chasing and I eventually relented (sounds awful I know). I was never that sexually attracted to him. I’d never get into a relationship with someone now I don’t have that sexual chemistry with as i’m happy single.

There’s a guy from work who i’ve slept with on and off for a few years and whilst he drives me potty with his terrible communication and other stuff, I fancy the pants off him and its reminded me that even when you’re fast approaching 50, you can still get that kind of attraction when someone messages you and your heart skips a beat. I know I wouldn’t get that with everyone, hence I never bother internet dating etc, as there’s few men I meet who I am attracted to in same way as this office guy, and one other guy I loosely dated in my uni days. He was a bit of an arse too! But again, the chemistry was unreal.

I met my partner a year after a long relationship, aged 48, when I honestly believed sex and relationships now were behind me forever.

I was out dancing and saw him, when I was intoxicated (he was sober), and gave him my number.

We video called and spoke by phone for two weeks and when we did the video call I was so disappointed. I didn't find him attractive at all. I still met up with him because - why not. He was slightly interesting and he had tickets to a good gig. It was something different to do.

After a few drinks I found him attractive again! We spent the night together and it has been a revelation - now 4 years. The sex has been amazing and we are so in love.

I would try one evening date and a couple of drinks. You never know. But is he fun, can he chat, is he interesting? Even before I found my partner attractive I knew he was a bit different, I wanted to know more, we had some interesting conversations. You don't say if you actually like anything about him, except he is good on paper

Yes there are some things that interest me, he is into music and plays in a band with his mates.

what else there is I’m still not sure, I can’t see a huge amount we have in common

I think I’m going to gently bow out

Can I ask why you thought sex was behind you at the age of 48!?