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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regrets

2 replies

Nusuy · 20/01/2026 11:08

I am in my 40s now have friendship regrets. I joined Meetup 12 years ago but the only 2 genuine friends moved abroad. The rest were ok but the women I made friends with as soon as they met a man or had a family the ended the friendships with everyone.

Then there are others I have known for years. They don’t have many friends themselves but only get in touch when they want a favour to help with sorting out bills with suppliers or applying for a job. I just feel disheartened as that is being used. I have backed off doing that now.

Then another friend I had to cut all ties with as she would put me down. I had already had conversations about this before but she promised to stop but fell back into her old ways. Other mutual friends all ended their friendship with her too as they had the same experience and one ended it as this woman slept with her recent ex fiancé!

I have regrets as I wasted time with all these people when I could have tried to form genuine friendships elsewhere. I feel in my 40s it is hard now as most people have already established friendship groups. I know friendships can’t be forced or rushed but it would be lovely to meet someone friends who are sincere.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 20/01/2026 14:07

Honestly, regrets are a waste of time - what's happened has happened and you can't change it. Be grateful for any good times you've had with former friends and let the rest of it go. Otherwise you're just wasting more time ruminating on things you can't change.

It's definitely harder making friends as we get older but there are things you can do to get out and meet people - look at what's going on in your local area. WI, walking groups, historical society, nature groups, ladies social groups, hobbies, evening classes, fitness, volunteering, befriending...the possibilities are endless.

Nosdacariad · 20/01/2026 14:14

What did you learn from them about boundaries and the huge variety of personal ethics that people have?

That's what makes it good use of your time.

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