Ex MIL being a royal pain in the arse!

[Calm2026]

Divorced for 10 years (ex husband got another woman pregnant whilst we were married) and we have no contact, for obvious reasons.
Our daughter is getting married soon and the wedding is small. For some reason the ex MIL is being a real pain and keeps upsetting our daughter with silly comments about the wedding/who should be invited and who should not be invited/comments about the invite etc etc. She then says she was 'just joking'.
We are attempting to have a drama free day as the day should simply be about our daughter and her new husband, and not old family issues.
I understand the the ex MIL has fallen out with the new wife of my ex.
What the hell is she playing at?? How do I navigate this? The ex husband has been told about her behaviour and due to him being the weakest man on the planet, all he replies is 'oh'.

Just message her and tell her to stop telling dd what to do with her own wedding as its upsetting her.

Your daughter should tell her to behave or stay at home.

Presumably she's invited? As long as she has all the details she needs in order to attend, does she need anything else?
I'd ignore it all. Just don't respond to any of it, it's nothing to do with her, she's just a guest.
I hope your daughter has a lovely wedding @Calm2026.

I’d tell ex to tell his mum to stop trying to ruin her wedding planning and keep her views to herself

Just stop telling her anything and if she asks any questions tell her it’s all a surprise for the day.

You navigate it by focussing on the only parts of it which are a) your responsibility and b) within your control. So you leave your daughter and ex to deal with (or not) their family dynamics, and you focus on supporting your daughter, contributing in all the positive ways you can to her experience of her wedding day, and allowing the people whose circus it is to deal with their monkeys.

For goodness sake why are you tolerating this?
Your poor daughter?
Send the woman a text not to contact your daughter and take your daughters phone and tell her YOU are blocking her on all devices.

Unbelievable that you would stand for this and allow your daughter to be stressed by her grandmother.

Woman up and deal with it.

The daughter is getting married so is presumably a fully grown woman who can speak for herself!

Perhaps she's trying to keep the peace.
Perhaps despite being an adult she might appreciate a bit of support from her mother telling her PITA grandmother to back off.

I certainly wouldn't tolerate anyone upsetting my daughters run up to her wedding with their unasked for interference and opinions.

She is told nothing except where to go on the day as if she were a regular guest. This is the only way to manage interfering relatives with unwelcome opinions.

I say this as someone who managed her own parents in this way effectively.

Help your daughter with airy responses to questions. "All in hand Gran", "It's a surprise", nose tap, "Mum's sorting that for me, you'll have to ask her"