How do I manage this friendship?

[IKnowAPlace]

Friend of around twenty years - we've been close and drifted apart a few times for benign reasons (for example, we lived in different places for a few years and didn't stay in touch much)

However, for the last year or so, I've found it a real drain to spend time with her. There's a lot of drama and I just don't have the energy for it anymore. She's aware that it's drama she could approach differently, she chooses not to. I put effort into my friendships and will support the people I care about as much as I can but she's just too much now.

I've done a lot of personal development in the last three years and made some positive changes so I wonder if I've just outgrown the friendship?

We usually see each other once a month and do a few trips/days out each year. I've explained that I'm scaling back on spending (because I am) so she's aware that some of these things are off the table for me now but she seems to be doubling down with trying to schedule things or share aspects of her life with me almost daily.

How would you manage this friendship? Would you say something or try to it cool off naturally? I feel like saying something will only create more drama and stress but I also don't want to be dishonest to her.

If she is a dramatic as you say she is then by you telling her you want to cool off the friendship it will only create more drama.

I would slow down my replies, answer the phone less and just become less available. It sounds harsh but you have to protect your own peace and only if she asked me directly if something was wrong or if I was annoyed with her etc would I actually say something

Yes grey rock technique.

Information diet. Tell her SFA about your life.

Slow response to communications.

Vague dull limited feedback to her drama.

You need HER to find YOU really boring…

Def don’t bother provoking her with anything rational like you are suggesting- she would LOOOOOVVVEE that new drama.

Well done on your personal development journey and growth. This is the living embodiment of it - honour it.

I read somewhere that often we only have a choice between feeling guilty or feeling resentment. Feeling guilty is the harder option initial choice but it fades and is honest and authentic. It’s ’easier’ to do nothing, make no changes but your resentment will grow and that will be sensed and felt implicitly in the friendship so will erode anyway.

Great advice, thank you!