Tell me about your fantastic mum

[Whyarepeople]

I have two teens - a 13 year old DD and a 15 year old DS. I've found the transition to teen years quite challenging, partly because of the change of role (no longer the person they fully rely on etc) and partly because I'm aware this is the start of the transition into an adult relationship. I think I was quite good with younger children but am quite clueless with this age group. To complicate things, I have a terrible relationship with my mother - she doesn't love me but she pretends to for show, which obviously makes for an odd, pointless relationship. I do love my children but I don't know what a normal or good teen/adult parent/child relationship looks like.

So - if you have a fantastic loving mum that you really get on with, were there things she did and said that helped shape that relationship? What mistakes did she make? I don't have a role model for this sort of relationship so I feel like things could go astray with my kids without me meaning it to. Keen to hear from others in my situation too and how you have (and haven't!) dealt with it.

She let me be myself, gave advice rather than orders over what i could/couldn't do to help guide me to good decisions,

She made sure if anything did go wrong that i always knew i could call her or dad and there would be no 'telling off' or harsh punishment, but there would be a discussion about what went wrong and why.

i'm not saying we never argued, we did, i was a teenager, we still butt heads now i'm in my 40s, but ultimately, she built me a secure safety net, allowed me my head/to make my own mistakes while catching me if i fell... she's my friend.

I love this @Whyarepeople the very fact you want to be that person for them will likely be enough to radiate through the tough times.

I love my mum to bits and actually it's made me think why? What did she do that fostered that relationship? I think the bottom of it all was that she was always there to pick up the pieces, after teenage drama, strops, etc. me and my sister were never judged, always allowed to be who we were or follow whatever path we wanted knowing she would be there if it went wrong. Not even cuddly or openly loving tbh (of that generation) but she's still the only person in the world I can be totally myself and know that whatever comes she'll be there, quietly in the background like a grounding rock.

We did have good relationships with both grandmas too so I don't know if that has any affect,cbut again my mum fostered this and as we've got older I know this wasn't always easy for my mum

And don't get me wrong, as a teenager there were some rows, my mum or dad would be walking the streets looking for me if I stayed out after I was meant to etc, they would let me know they were angry, but at the end of the day it wasn't a judgement of me

I always know she's on my side (even if I'm wrong). She never shouted just talked to us.

We had an abusive dad that she left immediately. She always told us age appropriate truths which helped me understand what happened and that helped me reconcile who my dad was.

She is genuinely interested in us and would listen endlessly to us. It must have been exhausting for her 🤣 but we would have never known. She helped us solve our problems instead of solving them for us.

All three of us are stille exceptionally close to our mum and see her every week and talk to her multiple times a week. That woman is a super mum.

I can tell you are already a great mum by what you have written. 90% of the job of being a parent is showing up and being emotionally available. If you have that you are golden.

Teens years are tough. Be understanding but have boundaries. Talk and encourage talking about all and everything.

Thank you for your lovely posts and the encouragement @ChillingWithMySnowmies @SlB09 and @Odiebay. I really want my children to feel like they can come to me throughout their adult life, that I'll provide support and comfort and love. I got absolutely none of that from my parents, which made things very hard. I know I won't get it all right but I want to make sure I'm on the right track at least.

She supports me 100% with any decision I make. Even even it's a bit ridiculous. She seems to know what I think before I do. She never gave 'punishments' as a kid/teen, not that she never needed to, but talked to me endlessly to try to understand. She gave me freedom yet also support and guidance.

When I was pregnant, she said, 'Having kids is amazing, you get to grow your own best friend.' Which I think really sums up her whole attitude.

I hope I'm half the mum she is.

P.S just by asking this question shows what a great Mum you are. Don't over think it!💐