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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I found out my ex got engaged and feel unexpectedly awful

4 replies

ChiquititaCat · 19/01/2026 12:16

I was with my ex since i was 16. Then at 21 he left me in a difficult situation. I wont go into the details but he could have helped me when i was in a seriously bad situation, but didnt. I eventually broke up with him a year later as I couldnt get over it. I then found a new partner but he ended up being abusive.

Whilst i was still living with my abusive ex, my first ex kept begging me for years to forgive him etc. I eventually gave in after I broke up with my abuser. However, I still had to live with my abuser at the time due to having to sell the house. I was with my first ex for about a year then, very happily, though not officially in a relationship. He acted like he worshipped me, said he loved me more than anything else in the world. Wouldnt shut up about it in fact! Then, he said he felt he needed space to be a better partner to me so we can get married. He said he wasnt over the original breakup. I accepted this. He became more distant, and I kept asking him if anything was wrong. He eventually admitted he was seeing someone else, but that its just sex, and he still loved me and wants to support me (because i struggling to get my abuser to leave the home). He said we can meet up to talk. Again I accepted this, and wanted to be respectful of his space.

But instead he just ghosted me, even though he knew at the time i was in a dangerous situation, and also just lost a parent. As sad as it is, he was my best friend too, since we were 10 years old, but he blocked me so i couldnt call him to talk about losing my parent etc. It was very confusing for me, because it was quite out of the blue. This happened when i was 27, im 29 now. I took this very very hard at the time. But eventually I got over it, and I was kind of looking forward to the future. I accepted I won't get an explanation. I was hardly thinking of him - until yesterday.

Yesterday I found out he got engaged after 8 months to this person he started seeing. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I just dont understand how he could do that? I feel so betrayed somehow. I'm also confused about why I am so upset, and feel like i'm back to square one, which is scaring me!! Its been so hard for me to move on without any accountability or explanation on his part, and it feels like that has been reopened somehow.

I am sorry if the above isn't making sense - I am feeling a bit wobbly at the moment. I don't know if anyone has any words of wisdom to cheer me up!

OP posts:
Villanellesproudmum · 19/01/2026 14:20

I think the teen to adult relationships are tricky, intense and then you find differences but it’s also a comfort thing it’s first love etc, but he has treated you really badly, as has your ex, time to move on, have some time to do what you want to do, travel etc and then raise your standards to know you deserve more.

Homegrownberries · 19/01/2026 14:24

You have two abusive exs not one Flowers

something2say · 19/01/2026 14:27

Hello. I think it is a shock to find out he is engaged and I am sorry you are upset, and wish I could give you a big side hug xxx

BUT these things do happen and the poster above has nailed it - this was a big, intense first love, but now it has irrevocably changed and he is moving on. That is big. But we all go through it.

What you need to do is allow for the tears and upset, and then get on with your OWN life.

Do you have a plan going forward? Would you like one? If you did have one, what would be on it? Micro tweaks, improvements, things you want to do?

There are going to be upsets like this with people we once loved. Don't let them derail your life. He has gone now and it is not appropriate that you be friends. The leaf has fallen from the tree and you are preparing for a new future without him, with someone else.

He wasn't right for you, or he wouldn't have let you down and he wouldn't be gone now. Your task is to be 'ten out of ten' in your actions and get out there and one day meet a good new love. Goodbye to this one, and turn forward xxx

BendingSpoons · 19/01/2026 14:29

It's understandable to feel a bit wobbly. He treated you badly and yet has somehow landed on his feet, stirring up lots of 'what ifs'. Allow yourself a bit of time to feel sad for the loss of the ideal i.e. the happily ever after picture. Then think about what a good friend would say to you, about how you deserve better and how you would never have the happily ever after with someone who let you down twice.

What is your life like now? Do you have friends you can open up to and talk things through?

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