Has anyone any knowledge of narcissists rships ?

[Loz12340]

Hi

I have been in a Rship with who I suspect is a true narc for the last year ( no children ) , I have experienced not so nice men in my past but I have never dealt with anything like this and I am really struggling

I believe I am going through what is classed online as the 'final discard' and I feel utterly shit

he discarded me a month ago now after accusing me of talking to another man and telling me it was his final straw, I have not seen him since but we have had contact on and off however we are now NC and this seems to be the hardest part

reasons I think he is a narc and wondering if anyone has experienced a partner like this

1. he takes zero acountability , even if he is so obviously in the wrong , any apology comes with 'but you made me do it'
2. lacks empathy and can never see things from my point of view , gets annoyed when I cry ( but he seems to have strong empathy for others just not me )
3. talks over me in arguments/ discussions does not let me get my point across or even speak at all
4. extremely insecure ( but doesn't think he is) constant accusations of being with other men when no evidence to support it
5. cannot handle even the slightest bit of Criticism literally will fly off the handle
6. feels he is destined for greatness and has a higher purpose even with a very low paying job ( thinks he is going to be a millionaire property developer and completly believes it )
7. verbally abusive has called me terrible names then acts as if nothing has happened hours later

however why im questioning if he's a true narc is he can be the most loving , affectionate , sweet partner ever.. he would take care of me in ways no other man has , we did alot together , anything I needed from him he would help me with , he never love bombed me at the start like narcs usually do but he did very quickly start to spend nights at my house untill it was almost everyday but this was never forced upon me by him it was mutual

he seems to be able to show empathy when watching tv shows or when talking to me about things that happened in his family / friends, and kids seem to adore him.

I guess I am just searching for answers as right now it feels very painful that someone can go from being a massive part of my life to dropping me like this over an accusation that is simply not true. He will refuse to even discuss the matter and has said he simply does not trust me even though I've done nothing to break his trust and that it is over between us

Block him and feel relieved. Stop engaging and trying to understand the workings of his weird mind. You’ve only been together for a year and already he sounds awful.

Has he isolated you from your friends yet? Told you you’re an idiot and he is so popular he could have his pick?

I speak as the child of a Narcisstic mother who has spent 67 years controlling and bullying my 90 year old dad, who remains devoted to her, seizing on any little crumb of kindness she throws his way.

Yes my parents are narcissistic so I have a lot of experience. A therapist who actually met my father and would not deal with him again referred to the relationships with them as inevitably harmful.

That really stayed with me and stopped me from dwelling on the situation beyond what was necessary.

Their way of relating was inevitably going to harm me and stepping back I can see the deep harm they have caused to others too.

Narcissists are inevitably harmful people who are often magnetic but relationships with them are completely elusive.

i wouldn't say I am glad but I also know that this type of person is not someone I could have a healthy future with but then I am battling with missing the good times and it's hard actually realising that they were all fake on his part

it was more to see if anyone has experienced it as sometimes I wonder is her a narc or is he just insecure etc and has trust issues

this is the longest we have ever been NC and it's not even been that long ! and whilst it is for the best i feel like he has totally forgotten I even exist and that is hard to comprehend as he seems to be on my mind no matter what I do

during NC he has been changing his profile picture on WhatsApp to selfies of him he never once had a pic up of him when we were together so my mind is just convinced he's got a new supply he's trying to impress

To be honest no he never tried to isolate me from any of my friends , I still maintained an active social life with my friends saw them most weekends and I went on several holidays with them over the summer he did not seem bothered by any of that

i suspect he is a covert narc so he didn't ever come across as he can get anyone and he's so great etc he wouldn't say things like that really but did say other awful things to put me down

sorry to hear about your mum that sounds awful

sometimes I wonder is her a narc or is he just insecure etc and has trust issues

They are very insecure. That doesn't make their behaviour towards their victims any less harmful.

Their trust issues stem from them judging others by their own standards.

during NC he has been changing his profile picture

It took me a while to realise that anything I was seeing or hearing of him, anything, was not doing my mood any good at all. It takes a lot of willpower not to just have 'one little look' but it is worth it. They have enough of our headspace already, that's part of the fallout from being with them in the first place sadly, so whatever we can do to reduce that can only help.

My dad is one. Recognised lots of the traits from what you listed in him. Definitely 100% the strong belief he will be greatly successful one day. My dad sadly believes and has always believed he will be famous. He tried and failed to make it as an actor for over 20 years. He thought he was going to be Morgan Freeman who made it big in his 40s I think. This basically destroyed our relationship and I’m his only child but he didn’t care, he was adamant he’d make it happen.

He’s in his 50s now and has realised it isn’t going to work out so he’s used chat GPT to write two books and self-published them. My extended family think he’s amazing for some reason and have been fawning over one of the books on social media. He didn’t even bother removing the endless em dashes. I’m an academic and have written academic books, I can tell it was AI generated.

They don't change and they’re only interested in you if you’re useful to them. The minute you criticise them or highlight their inadequacies, they’ll run and you won’t hear from them again. Or they’ll turn it on you and get nasty. Don’t even bother, run before he does.