Benefits of marriage 2nd/3rd time around

[QueenBing]

It would be 2nd time for me, 3rd time for him. The romantic in me thinks marriage would be a lovely idea in a few years, we’ve been together nearly 4 years and living together for around 7 months. Practically though, is there any real benefit to being married? The house is solely in my name and I have around £125k equity, possibly more. Also there’ll probably be inheritance from my parents around £125k (hopefully not for a long time yet). He has savings of around £100k, earns twice what I do, but owns no property. I have DD16 and DS13 who live with me/us full time. He has 2 daughters, DD20 at uni and DD24 who lives with her boyfriend. Divorce has been hideous for us both, worse for him (2nd wife truly awful and dragged divorce out in court to the nth degree, cost him over £20k in legal fees and the judge ordered her to pay half of his legal bill in the end!).
Despite all of this I still hope we’ll get married one day. I can’t tell you why. We’re happy as we are, why change things? He’s not keen on getting married again because of people’s reactions to a third marriage. He says it’s embarrassing for him. I don’t know why a ring and a bit of paper mean so much to me when ultimately I could lose my home if we were to divorce.
So apart from romantic reasons, are there any practical reasons why marriage would be a good idea? I’m 45, DP is 53.

Good idea.

Don’t do it! Have a nice ring but don’t risk losing your financial security or your children’s inheritance

Don't marry him!
Five years after my first marriage broke up, I married a twice divorced man. Both his first and second wife had left him for someone else and after our marriage, I very quickly understood why. He turned out to be very narcissistic and controlling but he took care not to show this side until I had sold my house and moved into his house with my children. I didn't understand why he had changed and had become so horrible and believed it must be my fault (as he said) for a long time. I have been in this marriage for decades but maybe I'll find the strength to go it alone now I'm so old!
I have found that neither friends nor family will offer me any emotional support on this (despite them disliking him) which is really hard.
So don't do it, don't marry him. I have wasted my life with my second husband and would hate any other woman to be so tricked.P

Go and get some legal advice and tax advice. Make sure you both have properly written wills in place - worth using a solicitor rather than just downloading a standard template. I would also set up your power of attorney - both types. And make sure you tell all your DCs what is agreed.

Do this regardless of whether you are married or not.

Personally, I wouldn’t marry. His DCs are still young and probably fine with you as Dad’s GF. Become a step mother and they may take a different tack.