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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone ended their marriage then regretted it?

25 replies

ThatNewReader · 18/01/2026 18:27

I’ve felt unhappy in my marriage for what feels like a really long time. He is a really good man and a great dad to our 3 boys. I could do so much worse. But he has a tendency to be very negative and critical and I feel constantly nagged and told off like one of our children. In response I’ve become snappy, cold and irritable which I hate. Over time I’ve felt worn down by it and increasingly more frustrated and irritated. I don’t find him attractive anymore and try to avoid being intimate. We’ve split a couple of time in our 15 year marriage but we agreed to give it another try when he’s promised to try and be more positive and less grumpy. I’m feeling very stuck as we have a big mortgage and ty children. He will be absolutely devastated if/ when I tell him how I feel. I know I need to tell him but I’m terrified im making the wrong decision and that I’ll regret it. Maybe it’s me that is the problem and I’ll be even more unhappy on my own? It feels so scary to consider being on my own- but also exciting and liberating!

OP posts:
constantsparrow · 18/01/2026 19:00

Never regretted it for one moment. Aldo had 3 boys , then all under 10.

JohnofWessex · 18/01/2026 19:16

I think my ex wife regretted that I left her she may even have recognised she is abusive.

I have an ex girlfriend who basically realised why I ended our relationship and clearly deeply regretted it but didnt feel able to resolve it.

Both had issues

jputthekettleon · 18/01/2026 19:31

I felt like this - turns out my husband needed testosterone replacement therapy TRT it’s been life changing he’s much happier no longer critical and moody he sleeps better and feels much more positive
it may not be that but just giving my lived experience- my situation sounds similar to yours and similar length of marriage
we are working on it currently but I’ve seen consistent change
he couldn’t get it on nhs they said he was within range but he wasn’t - so went private

GingerPubes · 18/01/2026 19:32

I have a longer view now. Although I don't regret it, I miss the friendship. We were good together for a long time.

Brightbluesomething · 18/01/2026 19:40

No but my exH definitely did and still does. He has worked on himself, been to therapy and is a functioning adult and good dad now. He wasn’t when we were married. That change wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t end the marriage. We’re both better parents and good friends now. I’d never ruin that by going back even though he’s asked me to. Everything happens for a reason.
Edited to add - I was terrified of being on my own and a single mum. But once the stress and arguments stopped it the best decision I’ve ever made. Single life is so peaceful. It can get a little lonely but that’s never bothered me as I keep myself busy or enjoy time alone. Don’t let the fear of being on your own stop you from doing what you think is right for your family. An unhappy marriage is far worse.

FatCatPyjamas · 18/01/2026 19:43

No, never.

ExDH is a very decent man, a great dad, but we were not well suited at all. Yes, I'm in a much worse financial position, but I have a home, I can afford food, to pay my bills, and I'm happy in my own space. He is now married to a lovely woman far better suited to him, and we all co-parent well together. Most importantly, our DC have parents with the energy and emotional resources to focus on them properly, rather than two distant and unhappy partners in one miserable home. Divorce/separation doesn't have to be the disaster society expects of it.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 18/01/2026 19:49

No. I just regretted not doing it sooner.

DierdreBarlow · 18/01/2026 19:52

Absolutely not. As a PP said, I let it drift on for far too long. By the time I had initiated a split, I couldn't stand the sight of him.

MonkeyChopsUser · 18/01/2026 19:57

Yes & No , we had drifted apart and became different people, so no on that level- but were together for a long time and a PP says miss the friendship and shared history

Arrivederla · 18/01/2026 20:01

Have never regretted it for a minute

cookiemon666 · 18/01/2026 20:12

Never regretted it

cha04 · 18/01/2026 20:13

JohnofWessex · 18/01/2026 19:16

I think my ex wife regretted that I left her she may even have recognised she is abusive.

I have an ex girlfriend who basically realised why I ended our relationship and clearly deeply regretted it but didnt feel able to resolve it.

Both had issues

Well what was the common denominator….. hmm!!!!

BernardButlersBra · 18/01/2026 20:18

🤣🤣🤣 no, it was like pushing water unhillmost of the time by the end. He was hard work and his family were deranged. His affair with a mutual friend of ours killed the marriage. He was super keen to tell me they were going to get married and have kids. Guess what -they didn't! Well, they married -got engaged while he was still married to me and then married 6 months or so after our divorce. I assume they gave fertility issues. Pictures pop up on Facebook at intervals as we all had/have mutual friends. They are both a bit of a state now. In contrast l have adorable twins and married to someone who is a better match

itsthetea · 18/01/2026 20:20

Regret?
not one jot
the relief I felt I had not expected at all

Moffett · 18/01/2026 20:21

Yes. We are getting remarried 😬

Jessica60 · 18/01/2026 20:22

ThatNewReader · 18/01/2026 18:27

I’ve felt unhappy in my marriage for what feels like a really long time. He is a really good man and a great dad to our 3 boys. I could do so much worse. But he has a tendency to be very negative and critical and I feel constantly nagged and told off like one of our children. In response I’ve become snappy, cold and irritable which I hate. Over time I’ve felt worn down by it and increasingly more frustrated and irritated. I don’t find him attractive anymore and try to avoid being intimate. We’ve split a couple of time in our 15 year marriage but we agreed to give it another try when he’s promised to try and be more positive and less grumpy. I’m feeling very stuck as we have a big mortgage and ty children. He will be absolutely devastated if/ when I tell him how I feel. I know I need to tell him but I’m terrified im making the wrong decision and that I’ll regret it. Maybe it’s me that is the problem and I’ll be even more unhappy on my own? It feels so scary to consider being on my own- but also exciting and liberating!

Im also in exactly the same position at the moment. I could have wrote this.

C152 · 18/01/2026 20:30

No, not for a minute. Wish I had done it years earlier.

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 18/01/2026 20:48

No not for one minute he was an arse and a drinker!!! - It gave me an opportunity to be single for a while, after 4 years I met my wonderful 2nd DH, and we have been together nearly 24 years xx

ThatNewReader · 18/01/2026 20:55

Jessica60 · 18/01/2026 20:22

Im also in exactly the same position at the moment. I could have wrote this.

Im so sorry to hear that- it’s a tough situation to be in. I hope you find your way out x

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 18/01/2026 20:58

No.

Even my mum who used to be very anti divorce is always saying thank god I got rid of him 🙊

However, I find being a single parent extremely hard and I don’t find it the “empowering” experience some women do.

moderate · 18/01/2026 21:05

"We’ve split a couple of time in our 15 year marriage but we agreed to give it another try when he’s promised to try and be more positive and less grumpy."

"He will be absolutely devastated if/ when I tell him how I feel."

But surely it won't be any surprise to him, given that it's happened twice before for exactly the same reason?!

JohnofWessex · 18/01/2026 21:20

cha04 · 18/01/2026 20:13

Well what was the common denominator….. hmm!!!!

Well, DW & I have been together for 18 years so I cant be that bad.

ExW was abusive - I have the paperwork

ExGF basically needed to let the relationship move to the next stage - marriage/cohabitation but never managed to do it. I suspect with hindsight that she had hoarding issues which are probably a symptom of other issues. As a person she was as kind and gentle as ExW was not

Thegrassroots26 · 18/01/2026 21:31

I don’t regret it as such as I still think our marriage had sadly come to a natural end. However, being divorced is not easy. There’s a lot of stress, exhaustion and loneliness. I also felt I would find someone else and that hasn’t happened after many years and I don’t think I will either.

cha04 · 18/01/2026 21:32

JohnofWessex · 18/01/2026 21:20

Well, DW & I have been together for 18 years so I cant be that bad.

ExW was abusive - I have the paperwork

ExGF basically needed to let the relationship move to the next stage - marriage/cohabitation but never managed to do it. I suspect with hindsight that she had hoarding issues which are probably a symptom of other issues. As a person she was as kind and gentle as ExW was not

more than likely was you. Why are you even on here you’re not a mum!

Sunflower3000 · 18/01/2026 22:07

cha04 · 18/01/2026 21:32

more than likely was you. Why are you even on here you’re not a mum!

Oh stop trolling 🥱

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