Too much resentment in marriage?

[SugarSpice2020]

How do you know when there’s just too much resentment built up to be able to continue? It seems my marriage has been failing for a while; I tell myself to try & be loving, not nit-pick etc but I seem unable to stop saying things that pop into my head!
Anyone else faced this?
we have 1 child (5.5) who always favours me, which doesn’t help (but likely partial result of unloving marriage, no matter how much we try not to show it)
divorce / separation is really a last resort for both us for many reasons.

can such a situation be salvaged / what have others done in this situation pls if continuing to live together?! Thx

Counselling?

Difficult situation OP, sorry that you guys have to face this.
Well, the base question is, what both of you think about the future - Would you like it to be saved, or going separate ways sounds better? If you didn't a child together, would you still be together? A lot of people force themselves to stay together for the kids, not realising they do no favours for them with it...
Normally, if there is willingness and love still, I'd say therapy and counselling is a good idea, but resentment is I think a few steps down the line, that is a pretty strong emotion, and in all honesty, I have no idea if it could be turned around at all.

thanks both! We had some virtual therapy a while back … it was hard to match our availability & tricky to find another therapist here (New York) that our insurance covered ;). But if we can, it may help.
I don’t think we’d be together now if it weren’t for our child! If we lived in uk, separating would be high on the cards. But since DH is a US citizen & can’t really leave his work for long at present, and doesn’t want to be away from our child, I’d have to stay here. Separated here sounds worse than being together as I’m desperate to move back to UK. Which hubby will only consider in future if we’re ‘together’. So not really sure what to do,
id like to say I’ll try hard w the marriage & be less irritable etc but in the moment that isn’t working ;).

What’s your situation? Do you have a green card? US citizenship? Unless you’re on a spousal visa there should be no problem with you separating. You don’t lose your GC on divorce let alone on separation.

I have a green card. Problem is I want to return to uk but can’t with child unless hubby agrees, which understandably he won’t as he doesn’t want to live so far from our child. Best I can how for at present is extended summers in uk 🇬🇧, if we can get on well enough since hubby would be funding them,
on a different note, what does everyone do about finances if one partner is sole earner? Do you give an allowance to spouse (outside vegetal domestic budget) that’s entirely theirs ? Wish we had done this so no resentment about the earner paying etc for such trips. think we’ll try to start. My hubby is generous but still sees the earnings as his, whereas since I’m working a LOT at home for us all I see them as ours.

Try being nice.

YOU try being nice. Or helpful. Or anything except this sort of anodyne, ignorant, pointless shite really

OP, I don’t want to frighten you but some years ago, before the USA became so hostile to migrants and immigrants, DH lived there with a pan American wife, a green card and a DD.
His exW left him and gave him full custody and permission to reside in the UK, with their DD spending school holidays with her in the USA.
After one school year in the UK, their DD went to spend the summer in the USA with her mother and was not returned. DH had given up his green card and could not return. He met with lawyers who all told him that no US court would return DD (who was born in the USA) to a parent who was not a US citizen and he should save his money for visiting.
The US is now so hostile to immigrants that you should be very careful about doing anything that jeopardises your green card.

I have no idea what a pan American wife is 🙄. Bloody autocorrect. She was a US citizen, born and bred.