Friends wants a favour

[Afternoonteaandcake]

My friend’s father passed away 2 months ago. She is still living in the house as she was his carer.

There is a large damp patch in the kitchen and it is coming from either the dishwasher or downstairs toilet. My dad is a plumber and she wants him to come round on Tuesday. He said he will be he usually assesses the work first.

She has just told me she wouldn’t be able to pay him till 6th February when he gets paid. She is quite unreliable and will disappear for months. I don’t want my dad doing work and not being paid because that will cause a strain between me and him. He usually gets people to pay him straight after the work is done as he has had hassle in the past getting money.

Her sister will own half the house too so I don’t know why she isn’t paying for repairs too. I did try and put her off and said get someone else as my dad was away but she wanted to wait for him.

Also it could be insurance job as the wall will need chopping and replastering and my dad won’t do this work. He would only do that if it was his own house as plumbers don’t do plastering.

He doesn’t mind telling her what needs to be done and not do the job if hassle is involved.

What should I do?

Get her to tell insurers there is damp due to a leak.

Stop muddying the waters. Tell her straight that your dad is not able to help and she with her sister will have to sort it themselves.

A blanket no and keep saying no.

Thanks, I just need to put my foot down. She is a user and I only hear off when she needs something.

you need to prioritise your dad here and tell your friend he will not be doing unpaid work for her and it is very unfair of her to be wanting it

Don’t do it. Tell her your dad is unavailable, can’t do it, end of. I have a few relatives with “useful” jobs and people are always shocked that they don’t do work for friends. It never ends well and usually costs the friendship. Never mix money with friendships. Definitely don’t do it for someone you only hear from when she has something to gain.

Are you scared of her or something? Just say no.

Just tell her your dad can’t do it as he’s too busy/retired/isn't physically able to do the job/doesn’t want to do the job. And repeat this however many times she nags. No need to give in to her demands.

I'd tell her your dad has told you he doesnt have time at the moment.

Just tell her he said no. It sounds like she’s a PITA anyway and not a friend.

Tell her your dad isn't going to be available after all. The reason she is wanting your dad is because she has no intention whatsoever of paying him and knows she wouldn't be able to get away with such cheeky fuckery with any other plumber.

She has text me tonight saying she told the insurers she has damp

Pants on fire. I don't believe she's rung the insurers at all. She is just trying to twist your dad's arm and make you & him feel sorry for her. She's a total user.

She definantly wants a freebie.

Tell her straight your dad doesn’t do that sort of work and she’ll have to find someone else.

Don’t even put in a caveat such as, “.. if you can’t find someone else” , or “ … will help in an emergency’, as then your effectively saying he can do it, and she’ll latch onto this.

I agree with this also.

If you love your dad You need to tell him exactly what you wrote here, that way he can choose to pick the job or not. Your dad deserves to know the "risks". If he says "no" just tell your friend he said "no" because of x and y (too busy, too complicated etc...). On the other hand if he says "yes" then he knows what to expect.

Time to rethink this friendship. She’s not a friend.

Thanks all again. I fully read the message today as I only previewed the first part last night as I don’t have to reply straight away.

She says the insurers will only do leaks not damp. Then she said the insurers said she will need a plumber. She has asked if my dad can come out and she will get his some cans of beer. He doesn’t even drink and his expertise costs more than beer.

I have messaged again saying she needs to go back to the insurer as they will sort the leak out and repair the wall. I have also said my dad isn’t well enough to do work anymore due to his health (this is true).

I also put a dog seatbelt in her letterbox I had never used as I foolishly mentioned I had a spare one and she kept pestering me for it. Funny how she never needed one before. I never even got a thanks for that.

I’m going to slow fade her as I don’t need toxic people like this in my life.

As we thought, no plans to pay him! (Beer doesn’t count).

Even if you paid minimum wage, then a days labour would be at least eighty pounds and I know plumbers and tradesmen can easily charge double that. Plus there’s all the materials needed on top of that. So ‘mates rates’ does not equate to a few cans of beer!

Good decision to refuse the request and fade her out.

She read my message and didn’t reply.

I don’t understand the ‘mates rates’ concept, my dad isn’t her mate and I personally would never dream of asking a friend to work for less money. I feel it quite insulting she doesn’t respect him and thinks his knowledge and time is worth a few pounds.

I shouldn’t have to tell someone multiple times, she is so disrespectful.

Time to slow fade, people seem to be getting worse with their manners.