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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living a lie.

3 replies

GeoPete · 17/01/2026 15:23

I've recently separated from my wife of 17 years. After the birth of our second child (now 14) we stopped having sex. There's been no kissing, cuddling, saying "I love you" (unless I said it first) no holding hands, absolutely nothing. Thinking I was to blame I tried hard to please her, but was constantly met with derision. I was berated if I didn't do something I was meant to do, and if I did do it then I was berated for not doing it correctly (in other words the way she would have done it). I confronted her with this all the other day and explained how I'd been unhappy and feeling unloved for nearly 14 years to which she replied . . . "I just assumed you were gay". My question is, how do I/we move on from this? I've spent so long growing away from her I can't see a way back. Almost my entire marriage she thinks I have been living a lie. Any thoughts anyone?

OP posts:
TheMorgenmuffel · 17/01/2026 15:31

That sounds awful. Its good youve ended the relationship.

All you can do is focus on being a good parent to your children and deal with your ex in a civil manner.

ChurchWindows · 17/01/2026 16:27

It sounds like you've done the right thing ending a relationship that has not been right for well over a decade.

Unhappyitis · 17/01/2026 16:33

Don't go backwards. Zero communication was there.

It wouldn't make any sense to go back.

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