Hi everyone,
I’m really upset about a guy I’ve been seeing and I need to get this out.
How it started:
He’s usually the one leading, taking care of things, and being sweet and caring. I don’t have to think around him, which felt comforting. We’ve been texting for almost 3 months, though I ghosted him for 3–4 weeks. We’ve known each other on social media for 5 years and even went to the same school.
We’ve had 6 dates so far—I said no a lot in the beginning. I’m anxiously attached, and I’m noticing he’s becoming inconsistent. I want to break this cycle, but I keep wondering if it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to figure it out or how to ask him for clarification.
Our history:
At first, he wanted frequent meetings, but I was declining some, including intimacy. We had sweet moments, cuddles, and connection. Then something happened that really stung me, and I pulled away—ghosting him for 3–4 weeks.
He didn’t stop trying to contact me during that time. I eventually gave in about 4 weeks later. We didn’t really talk about why I pulled away except when I mentioned it, and he brushed it off, saying it happened because he felt a certain way because of me and kinda dismissed it. I didn’t like how it turned out, but at that point I wasn’t invested anymore.
As we were back texting, I was mostly goofing around. He said something like, “If you’re not interested in seeing me, just say so.” I was declining again or just playing around and not really accepting.
After a lot of wondering what to do, I accepted to go out with him because what he suggested was really tempting to me. I had no expectations and wasn’t emotionally invested, but he made it so romantic that I felt a cocktail of hormones and was completely all in—without planning it. On the date after that, I was intimate with him, and he was sweet and caring afterward.
After the second time, the dynamic changed. He became a bit less affectionate and is now mostly inconsistent, sending small breadcrumbs. Honestly, I’d prefer he’s gone completely than have this uncertain back-and-forth.
The dynamic:
He breadcrumbs me—sending texts like “wyd,” reels, short videos from parties, or voice messages with music—but he’s not really trying to get to know me or have a real conversation. It’s been almost a week since our last in-person meeting, and in my head, the “deadline” for initiation is almost over. When he texts, I feel relief, but then I get upset because it’s just breadcrumbs. I want this cycle to stop.
I never lead conversations. I mirror his texts and only respond. He’s joked a few times about “his wife” or looking for his wife. Early on, he said he’d figure out why I was single. He flirted with me via messages and reels, but lately, it feels like he doesn’t—or maybe it’s just my anxiety kicking in after we became intimate.
Where I am now:
I keep blaming myself, wondering if my behavior caused this. I don’t know what to do—what text to send, if I should send one at all, or how to end the cycle without overreacting.
I just want clarity, and I want to stop feeling like I’m trapped in this rollercoaster.