If your DH/P is stepfather to your Dc, what are your expectations/setup?

[rapunzelsreptile]

I’m very happy with how our set up is but not sure if I’m just a lucky one or if this is normal for blended families.

I had two children close in age when I met my now husband. They were quite young, I split up with my ex when my second was very young and met dh about a year later. Their dad does see them but is a waster, won’t work to avoid CMS etc. When DH and I decided/realised that we were each others person, he moved in with us. We took our time with this and made sure that we were committed so as to not confuse or upset Dc. Once dh (obviously at the time dp) moved in, the situation grew organically to what we have now which is that dh essentially has a parental role in the DC’s lives. They’re close and love each other and I feel blessed with how it’s worked out. He will take them to their clubs, drop them off at school, take them out to the cinema and things like that, buy their clothes etc. If I wanted to have a night out with friends or anything like that I wouldn’t need to ask him to watch Dc, it’d just be assumed and he’d be confused if I did ask. For all intents and purposes, he’s like a father to them and this was in no way forced or asked for by me, it just evolved over time. We now have our own child together but you wouldn’t know that one of them was his but the other two weren’t. Anyway, I was wondering if other people had situations like this or if this is rare?

I think your set up sounds lovely and you've found one of the good ones ☺️ I'm sure some people's experience will be different, I suppose it's largely dependent on how involved the other biological parent is.

Ds1 was 4 when I met dp, now dh.
We've been together over 20yrs now and had 2 more kids together.
He's always been loving and involved with ds1 as much as his own. He's proud of him and they have a good relationship the same as with his own.

That was our set up in 20 years ago, I had one DC, DH had 2. Worked really well for us, we were/are just a family.

I do think it depends on involvement of bio parent. My kids still had a regular involvement with their bio dad so their step parent was a presence but not really in a parental role, he was kind enough but never really stepped in to do anything independently with them. As they grew older and the marriage eventually failed they became more distant and don't really have anything to do with him. On one hand I think that's a shame, he was around for more than a decade but his input reaped where he is now, not even on a Christmas card list, their attitude was also moulded by what they saw as his failure to be a supportive and loving partner to me, they ultimately encouraged my divorce from him so that I could be a happier person, which I am. I do sympathise with step parents, it's a difficult line to tread, especially if a bio parent is still there, you can only ever be good cop or run the risk of being excommunicated.