Zero libido - postpartum

[TwinkleTwinkleX]

I am struggling with having zero libido.
i have 2 small children (3yo & 5 mo) and since the birth of my eldest I have so little sex drive.. not just with my husband but feel no need to mastibate / don’t get horny. I breastfed my eldest for 2 years and it came back a little after I stopped but I feel so unmotivated by sex now.
i am not sure if it’s hormonal or circumstantial (feeling very touched out by dc and generally so tired) Their births were very straightforward so not particularly traumatic. Anyone had similar experiences? Any ways of getting it back?
it’s effecting my relationship.. sometimes I don’t even want to be touched (dh would never pressure)

Are you still bf your 5 month old?

Does your husband make any kind of effort with you?

Yes still feeding

Just give yourself time. Breast feeding supresses libido for a reason and the hormonal changes mean you will concentrate on prioritising your baby at this time. It's common not to feel sexual and your second baby is still only 5 months old. Be patient and as before libido will return so please don't worry.
With each of my children l b/f for around 8 months and found my libido started to come back around the 6/7 month mark as b/f had reduced considerably by then. I hope that your partner is understanding and supportive.

It's still very early days. You have a 5 month old, you are bf, probably exhausted and craving a good night's sleep rather than a romp in the hay.

I'd focus on setting aside an hour every few days for yourself, for a swim or a walk or just a bit of peace. And try to get enough sleep. It should come back soon. I hope your dh isn't pressuring you.

A little but I often find myself pulling away before he can get close. He isn’t putting on pressure at all, more letting me initiate but I’m just never in the mood. I think having more time to myself would be good for helping me feel sparky again.. I love breastfeeding and being a mum but I think it does stop me feeling at all sexual. I do like to take care of my appearance and self care though

It’s Mother Nature trying to make sure you don’t get pregnant again when your reserves are low. Pregnancy and breastfeeding are energy hungry. You don’t need to start growing another one until you have the energy to do so.
it’s normal. Let yourself rest.

Has he expressed disappointment? If he’s not making much effort and not trying to instigate, perhaps he is feeling same way?

Thank you. He’s definitely much more interested than me and has commented that he misses it but I think he can tell I’m not in the mood. i have mentioned to him I feel a loss of libido and touched out and he’s patient but I do feel bad for him. Not sure if it’s a good idea to power on through with sex if I’m not feeling it

But he’s not actually making much of an effort is he?! Tell him that you’re open to sex but at this initial stage, he’s going to have to make more of an effort until you get back up there!

Having relatively consistently regular sex over the years with low/zero libido hasn’t really bothered me as I know how much it means to DH and for US to have a healthy close marriage.
I wouldn’t be faffing about hanging from the lampshades if not in the mood but for me a quickie with lots of cuddling afterwards is no biggy.
I guess we all different as for some people I guess that would be utterly repellent if not aroused.

Not sure what the solution is here, but you have my sympathy. I think your issue is hormonal. As long as you're breastfeeding, that will decrease your dopamine, as it will be suppressed by prolactin.

Also when you get to your 30s, your hormones will gradually start decreasing anyway to to age. For some women the changes make them horny, but for many, it doesn't. For that, your GP might prescribe testosterone, but it might not work and a lot of GPs still treat any kind of HRT that isn't for contraceptive purposes as radioactive material.

Look into fenugreek supplements btw (500mg per day), once you're done breastfeeding as it's still not showing signs of coming back. Not a longterm solution and not something to take if you have low thyroid and you also need to be careful if you take anti depressants or other mental health medications, but if it works after 6 weeks, then that will tell you if it's something biological (likely dopamine or hormones), vs relationship / general health problems.

He is applying no pressure and making no effort to try to encourage / attract you to having sex.

So perhaps he is on same page more or less as you @TwinkleTwinkleX ?

Just to reassure you that I've been there, and out the other side. My children are at school now, but with each child, I had zero interest in sex for about a year afterwards. I also breastfed, and my libido was linked to my cycles. My periods returned about a year postpartum with each child, and when my cycles resumed, so did my libido.

That’s interesting! I have no cycles while breastfeeding (I didn’t for over 2 years with my first) so could well be a factor on top of being generally tired / touched out. husband definitely much more into it / up for it than me and I think is trying to balance initiating it while no applying pressure. I think starting with some time for myself might help

It also feels a bit daunting to be sexual after it’s been a while

Has your husband actually done anything to show he’s trying to perhaps open you up to having sex again? Has he shown any effort? @TwinkleTwinkleX